Jokes #1

[Dave 27]

1 minute ago, happyone said:

A GOOD OBsErvAtIOn 😁

You been drinking TREBLES😀😀

[happyone]

5 minutes ago, Dave 27 said:

You been drinking TREBLES😀😀

COFFEE Only 😄

[happyone]

Dave--I think we have played this music long enough for now--good job though 😄

[Dave 27]

7 minutes ago, happyone said:

Dave--I think we have played this music long enough for now--good job though 😄

Yep, winding the handle on this old gramophone is hard work buddy!!!! 😀

[StnCld316]

Marriage Built on Trust

[StnCld316]

Don't Pee on Electric Fences

                 

[Morrison]

Two generals were preparing for battle.

The first general calls aide and says, "Bring me my red uniform!"

The other general asks why he would wear red.

The first general explains if he gets wounded then his soldiers won't see the blood and lose courage.

The other general thinks about this, then calls to his aide, "Bring me my brown uniform!"

[StnCld316]

[StnCld316]

[Slender Man]

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem...

In response the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try startling yourself". That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out, he runs home to his wife.

At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As they get going, they find themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, feels that he is near to cum and fires the starter pistol.

The next day, the man goes to see his doctor. The doctor asks, "How did it go?". The man replied, "Not that well.... when i fired the starter pistol my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out the closet with his hands in the air!"

[Slender Man]

When i was in London a few months ago, i was approached by a prostitute as i left a club on one of the back streets of Soho. Mainly interested in checking the rate of exchange i assure you, i asked, "How much?"

"It'll cost ya 20 quid", replied the tart.

"American Express?" I inquired.

She gave me an appraising look and said, "You can go as fast as you like".

[Slender Man]

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit & veg. "Now class, i'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit or veg, and you tell me what  i'm talking about. Okay, first. It's round, plump and red".

Of course, Johnny raised his hand first, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered, "An apple." The teacher replied, "No, Deborah, it's a beet, but i like your thinking. "Now for the second. "Its soft, fuzzy and coloured red and brownish.

Well, Johnny is hopping up and down on his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, i'm afraid it's a potato. But i like your thinking", the teacher replies. Here is another. It's long, yellow and fairly hard".

By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana", she says. "No," the teacher replies, it's a squash, but i like your thinking."

Johnny by now is pissed, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, i've got one for you teacher, let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, i've got it. it's round, hard and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries out. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, it's a quarter, but i like your thinking!"