Aussie_oi_oi

Aussie come to bed now!

Joke of the day 😉 “Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members…. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers!” 😉

Joke of the day 😉 A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. What are you doing?" she exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband." Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband." A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are you doing?" she exclaimed. He replied............"Watching the game with my son-in-law." 😉

Joke of the day 😉 The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews And testing were done, there were 3 finalists; Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of The men to a large metal door and handed Him a gun. ' We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting In a chair .. . . Kill her!! ' The man said, ' You can't be serious. I could Never shoot my wife. ' The agent said, ' Then you're not the right man For this job. Take your wife and go home. ' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ' I tried, But I can't kill my wife. ' The agent said, ' You don't Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home. ' Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one After another. They heard screaming, crashing, Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was Quiet.. The door opened slowly and there stood the Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. ' This gun is loaded with blanks ' she said. ' I had to Beat him to death with the chair. ' 😉

Joke of the day 😉 One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" he said to the bartender. "We got her!" replied the barkeep. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right." The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay ...for the whore and two beers. He grabbed the beer bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!" Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. "How do you know I want to do it in that position?" asked the miner. "I don't," replied the whore, "but I thought you might like to open those beers before we get started." 😉

I did wonder if someone would pick up my joke.

Linda why not try exercising nude today while Timbor is out?

In my opinion, Linda should try to be nude more while being in the Living room.

Linda has such a beautiful woman's body she should be proud of it. Not being afraid to let her puppies be free.

Hopefully you're good mate.

It would be a good move for her.

Does Linda ever go nude on the couch?

A good cause as the bushfires are pretty bad at the moment. Also, it's 8.18 pm and 32 cel's bloody hot.

I miss having the Koala around.

Joke of the day 😉 The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. "Well, sir," is ...the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... m-m-m.... urges. That's why we have the camel, sir." The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "Uh, no sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are. 😉

Joke of the day 😉 Oldie On vacation in Europe, Bob noticed a marble column in a church in Rome with a golden telephone on it. As a young priest passed by, Bob asked who the telephone was for. The priest told him it was a direct line to Heaven, and if he’d like to call, it would be a thousand dollars. Bob was amazed, but declined the offer. Throughout Europe Bob kept seeing the same golden telephone on a marble column. At each, he asked about it and the answer was always the same: a direct line to Heaven and he could call for a thousand dollars. Bob finished his tour of Europe with a stop in Ireland . He decided to attend Mass at a local village church. When he walked in the door he noticed the golden telephone, but underneath it there was a sign stating: “DIRECT LINE TO HEAVEN — 25 Euros “Father,” he said, “I have been all over Europe and in all the cathedrals I visited, I’ve seen telephones exactly like this one but the price is always a thousand dollars. Why is it that this one is only 25 Euros” The priest smiled and said, “Son, you’re in Ireland now. It’s a local call.” 😉

Joke of the day 😉 Walking into the bar, Jack said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the wife." "Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Jack replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really? wow ! What did she say"? "She said, 'come out from under that bed you gutless coward !!! 😉

Joke of the day 😉 Wise nun 2 nuns went to shop at the market. They were taking so long so one said , Sister Mary it is getting dark and we are so far away from the convent. I know Sister Rose but there is a man following us. Oh! What does he want. He wants his wicked way with us. What can we do. Let's separate. You go left and I will go right. He followed Sister Rose. Sister Mary reached the convent and became worried. After an hour Sister Rose appeared. What happed? , I started to run and so did he. And then? He caught up with me. Oh my God. And what did you do. I lifted up my dress Sister! And what did he do. Dropped his pants. And then? Its obvious isn't it. A nun with her dress lifted up can run faster than a man with his pants down. If you thought of a different ending Do 180 Hail Marys and 320 Our Fathers and ask God to clean your filthy mind 😉

Joke of the day 😉 As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and A note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, He takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus ravels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, and then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ar*e. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his Key!" 😉

Joke of the day 😉 A man received the following text from his neighbor: I am so sorry Dan. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife". 😉

Joke of the day 😉 Paddy was walking down the street when he sees a sandwich on the pavement. He goes over & realizes there are wires sticking from it! He thinks to himself 'OMG Oi tink its a bomb!' So he runs to the phone box & rings the police. he says 'Oi was just walkin' down the street when I spotted this sandwich on the pavement. Then I realize its got wires sticking out of it' The officer on the other end is typing in details to the computer and asks 'Is it ticking?' Paddy thinks carefully for a few seconds then replies slowly ' No ... I tink its beef!!.. 😉

Love sexy cleaning night.