OneBeing

Octavia was asking people to tell her what they think about keeping the door open with this guy she just went on a lunch date with since she will be seeing her Turkish friend in a few weeks and she's not sure she feels it's right to be dating someone else first. Clearly if something doesn't feel right maybe it shouldn't be done. However, keeping a door open is simply about keeping her options open. She likes the new guy, feels he is intelligent and kind and she enjoyed his company. Sounds good. They were flirting a bit and she feels that is alright. Sounds fine. So it would seem since she will be away with friends for the next couple of days and is leaving next Thursday morning for at least a month just leave it at that. Don't take it any further for now. That way when she sees the Turkish guy she is not feeling bad about anything. If it works out in Istanbul then she will probably not want to follow up with this new guy. If things do not work out in Turkey then she can come back and most likely pick up where she left off with the new guy if she wants. It seems pretty simple actually. (In theory at least). Just keep that door open without getting carried away before the trip.

Octavia was asking after reading my last post “Where do you get your experience from? I am curious”. I will use this opportunity to reply. I am happy to share my background in detail, answer any questions and include photos if you wish but not here on this forum. Since you are leaving RLC I would think this means you will not be checking this forum going forward either. The same goes for me as my continued participation on both sites was because of you. When you leave I will be doing the same.

Wow…that was some talk from Octavia last night. Quite understandable since so much has been going on during the past three days and there is so much to prepare for in the next 10. It's not hard to see why some overwhelming feelings are creeping in, especially when trying to process everything at once…but then that is the key. There are lots of plans, many changes coming and potential challenges ahead which is why it is important to take it one day at a time and within each day do just what is in front of you at the moment and when that is done focus fully on whatever is next instead of thinking about all the things you need to do and everything that might possibly happen all at the same time. The journey of 1000 miles starts with one step so…take one step at a time. Yes, conserving energy will be helpful. Staying up all night partying and doing drugs will obviously be put on hold now and that will help as it is a big part of the current energy depletion. Doing things in a joyful way going forward rather than feeling anxious will also help since a joyful experience seems to take no energy at all whereas anxiety wears you down. Find a way to play and have fun with all the upcoming preparations if you can. Thinking constantly about the past and the future, all the analyzing and reflecting will wear you out as well. As these thoughts and stories arise just remind them…no need for you right now and let them go and put your attention elsewhere…and if the thoughts persist at least end the thinking with “OK, but I don't actually know what will happen” and leave it at that since at least that is true. It's OK to not know and when the future events actually happen you will find that you can deal with them just fine. Having your coach visit the last few days was a really good thing. Not only for you but for everyone in the house. Her advice to you about your family visit and the guy in Turkey is absolutely right on. If three weeks turns out to be too long with your family then you can always just leave early. You are not stuck there so go ahead and change things if you need to. The guy in Turkey might be the guy you are looking for but you don't really know. The guy you are looking for might just be the next guy you meet so best to keep all doors open until you know for sure. Good advice from her. Seeing your family will be great and there will be much to enjoy and it will also be a challenge because any time there is a lot of history between people buttons will be pushed on both sides, especially during a three week visit. The truth is no one is really to blame as emotional reactions that spontaneously pop up come from old patterns programmed deep inside that are often no longer true but are still challenging and will take patience and understanding to work through. Then on top of that there is the translation issue which must take a lot of effort. See if you can find a fun way to deal with it. The Google Translate app works fairly well Russian to English (and the other way around) and it can translate a conversation as it happens (sort of, more or less) and may be worth a try. It might be good for some laughs as well. Maybe your ex could do it by himself without your help which could make a difference. (But take the car and go to the forest anyway🌳). Yes, you have changed since you last saw your family and it will be interesting to see how this goes over at home but no need to force anything or try and make them see certain things differently. Just naturally and honestly be who you are right now (which is your strength) and just see what happens and go from there. Hopefully the love that is still there will lead to understanding as well. You met a guy from Turkey at a festival where everyone was open and free and having a great time. Very nice but not exactly like everyday life. You were around him for three days and have now talked and texted a bit and this has led to you thinking about him being your next husband and possibly living in Istanbul…a city and culture you don't even know. This is clearly a dream that is pretty far from reality at this point. You are even wondering if the fire is already starting to go out. Maybe the fire will burn again when (and if) you see him next, maybe it won't, but there is no reason why you should not continue to meet others and be open to whatever happens instead of holding off because of preconceived ideas about the Turkish guy, as nice as he may appear to be. Instead of creating a fantasy world wait and see what reality has in store for you. It could be way different and possibly even better than you “think”. There is so much more I'd like to say but I feel that I'm really pushing the limits here so I will wait for a future conversation if there is one. If not, I know that you are quite capable of dealing with anything with the possible exception of the depth of emotion and anxiety that come up when you get lost in the stories of the past or the fantasies of the future since you can't do anything about either one because the past and future don't exist. The present is where everything happens and when it does you will do just fine.

I don't know if Octavia knows what a turducken is but I do know she would not want chicken to be any part of it…even if he is already quite deboned.😋 (Turducken is a dish consisting of a deboned chicken stuffed into a deboned duck, further stuffed into a deboned turkey).

It is really nice to see Octavia back even though it won't be for long. ☹️ It sure sounded like a great festival the way it was set up and run, the nice people she met there and in town as well. It was really cool the way she described the experience of feeling the music and vibe of the crowd with everyone dancing together as one giant entity with her right in the middle of things. (Kind of a nice reminder…feeling the oneness). Good food, great music and dancing along with meeting a bunch of nice people…hard to beat. I am glad she had a good time. It also sounds like she “sort of fell” for a Turkish guy she met there. Too bad it will not be easy to follow up in person since it seems it will be geographically challenging…although she has mentioned she may go to Istanbul after she leaves Belarus. I see one problem though. She will probably be traveling with Chicken again. How is Chicken going to feel in Turkey? 🤣 🐓 🦃

A wild guess. Your original post is kind of a clue…

No…I just said it was fortunate you weren't there.

Fortunately you were not the photographer at this shoot.

I just saw the replay. It was great to see her so excited and the fact that the photographer thought that she was a natural and easy to work with and that he may call her for future jobs is awesome…almost as awesome as she looked in her makeup and hair even at the end of the day. Congratulations Octavia…you nailed it. Well done!

That is good news. Glad to hear it. I hope she has a great trip to -------. ✈️ 🧇 🎶

She was choosing outfits for a modeling photo shoot and a 3 day trip to Belgium. She likes to look nice so it makes sense.

It looks like mid-July as she is leaving for Belarus on the 18th and the plan is to live alone somewhere else when she returns in August.

I was checking the replay on Tuesday morning just after Octavia got up and declared that it was going to an annoying day. I need to use an analogy I have heard several times because it applies here. If Octavia is outside in the snow wearing her orange sunglasses the snow will be orange. Everywhere she looks, everything is now orange when the truth is the snow is actually still white. Well, Tuesday morning she was wearing her “annoying sunglasses”. She woke up not feeling that great and that annoyed her. Then she was annoyed because she was feeling annoyed. Then she was annoyed that the frying pan was scratched, that the paper and the plastic wouldn't come apart on what she wanted to throw away after she had a terrible breakfast and the fly bothering her wouldn’t follow orders. 😁 Yes indeed, it was going to be an annoying day. Really? She has now set herself up to wear those annoying sunglasses all day. It may sound simplistic but just take off the glasses. Meaning…just STOP. Yes. Just for a moment. That simple. Stop believing this story that is just made of thoughts that led to feelings that led to more thoughts which led to more feelings…and Ahh! Stop the story for even one second…take a breath…and look in this moment at what is actually happening. In this split second without the story is there any problem? Is there really anything wrong in this moment? Is anything really annoying or was this story that you chose to follow just making everything appear that way? Is the story really true or are you just choosing to believe it and then validating it by seeing everything around you that can annoy you? Why is this happening? Because you believe your thoughts. Do you know you can see thoughts arise but you don't have to believe them. They are just thoughts. They are not even “your” thoughts. They just appear. So you can actually just let them go. Forget them. When they come back up, ignore them again. Put your attention elsewhere and let the story drop. Take off the glasses and put them away. She tried to find something to make her happy. The bread almost did but in the end even the cookie failed her. Peace and happiness are not found in objects…at least not for long. It is found when you realize the truth in this moment is that everything is actually fine as it is (unless you “think” it isn't) and if there is something that comes up in the moment that you would like to change then the present moment is when you can actually do something about it. Sorry for the long post but I'm not sure how much longer I will have an opportunity to offer some feedback that might help Octavia with the spiritual spoke of the wheel that she set up with her coach several weeks ago. She is leaving very soon so I am feeling time is limited here.

Maybe Chicken realizes that you are actually the pervert and he is protecting Octavia by draping himself all over her. Forgive me, but the opening was there and I took it. Thanks for the fun replay and the GIF that is probably Chicken's fantasy. 😁

Lol…I am definitely enjoying your Chicken takes. Careful, he's got that sharp beak! 🐓

It was quite an update. Very nice to hear that she is in a good place and that she is going forward without fear of making a mistake because in reality there is no such thing. There is only experiencing and learning which she appears to be aware of. She talked about the upcoming photo shoot and how self-conscious she gets in front of a camera (or during a driving test or even during sex sometimes). It's understandable since the focus is right on you and how well you are going to “perform”. The key to success in anything like this is to get the attention off of yourself and how you are doing and focus on what is happening. It is similar to acting. Most good actors prepare by learning lines, establishing what is happening in the scene, creating the background of what happened just prior to the scene occurring, preparing themselves emotionally and then once the scene begins forgetting all that and putting all of the attention on the other person and letting that interaction dictate how everything unfolds. You are not thinking of anything else or how the scene should look but are just playing off the other person and it leads to a realistic scene with real interaction. For the photo shoot, prepare yourself with the makeup and clothing so that everything looks like you want it to and then once in front of the camera just trust it's right and forget about how you look and put your focus elsewhere. Dancing is great if you can lose yourself in the music and just let go and let the music take you or perhaps you establish that the photographer or even the camera is a certain person that turns you on or makes you happy or even that the cameraman is Chicken or Boo and you're showing them how to dance…whatever works for you, makes you comfortable and allows you to just play. Anything you come up with will work as long as it transfers attention off of yourself. Avoid any pre-conceived idea of how things should look and just go for it. A lot of it comes down to not taking the situation so seriously as well. Just set up a way to have a good time without any focus on the outcome and have some fun.

The only reason I continue on RLC and on this forum is because of Octavia. When I first saw her I was struck by her beauty and the more I watched I began to really enjoy her personality. She is fun, unusual and quirky in a way that is really appealing to me and most of that comes from the fact that she tends to express herself spontaneously and openly. She is honest and she genuinely cares for others. She experiences many thoughts and emotions…probably more deeply than a lot of people because that is her nature. She is a Taurus…and I have a brother who is also a Taurus…and I see the same depth of emotion and hyper-sensitivity in him as I see in her. (She is also on the cusp of Gemini which brings in the twins…but that's another story). So through no fault of her own she deals with big, sudden reactions, emotions flow easily and can be overwhelming at times which lead to many thoughts and much analysis. She is exploring ways to deal with all of this so it is no wonder that she appreciates feedback and support from others. It won’t always be positive…it never is…as everyone has their own opinion and that is fine. Hopefully there is insight gained from all of it. I will continue to offer feedback and support as long as I am able to have some contact with her. If that goes away when she leaves RLC so be it. I am glad for the interaction we have been able to have and wish the best of outcomes for her in her life on this crazy planet.

It is always nice to get a detailed update from Octavia. I personally feel that she has made a lot of good decisions regarding the men from the past in her life. I believe that moving on from all of them will allow new doors to open in the future and new energy to flow into her life, especially at this time when she will be traveling, attending festivals, spending extended time with her family and close friends. It is a good time for this clean break to take hold. (No going back to Mike just for the sex and starting that pattern all over again). New things are definitely on the horizon. Be aware, especially with this “new” guy, that assumptions and concepts about him don't start forming after just a couple of conversations. Keep an open mind and wait and see what actually happens…which I think she realizes. Some comments about the upcoming modeling session. From what I have seen, whenever she does her sensual dance moves in front of the mirror she looks amazing. She creates a mood and just plays. She looks great. When trying to pose it is definitely more self-conscious. (Too much thinking about “how do I look” or “what pose is best”). If the photographer will just let her do her dancing while he takes a series of photos it might lead to some great results. Forget about the camera, lose yourself in the movement and go with it. Just play…even right to the camera if you want and don't think about how you look. You look amazing naturally so just trust that and let go. The less attention you have on yourself, the better. (FYI, I have trained and worked as an actor and spent a lot of time in front of many cameras so I have some experience with this). Just have a good time and it will translate to the camera.

Octavia…these guys from the past are empanadas…tasty at times but they are not the quiche you are looking for. 😆 I couldn't resist…

Lol…that's pretty clever and funny actually…but don't underestimate how nice living alone in the woods might be. Some people love it even without access to a daguerreotype. 😁

An excellent observation. She said so many things during her latest life updates that make it clear that she actually understands exactly what is going on with her and Mike. She just forgets when she is with him and has apparently also forgotten (said so herself) what she went through the last two times. She also said time will tell…and it will. It was nice to hear her say in passing that maybe she is growing out of the role playing which could be a healthy thing since she is beginning to wonder what is real and what is part of the game.

Just like your favorite Thoreau quote…once you stop chasing the butterfly it gently lands on your shoulder…😉

A very nice post. I love that Thoreau quote and your comments about control, expectations and beliefs are right on. Happiness, or peace and contentment are our true nature. They are always present in us but often covered up or hidden behind all the thoughts, feelings and perceptions that are happening all the time that tend to occupy all of our attention. Once you become present in the moment either walking in nature, reading a book, playing with children, dancing to music or doing any activity with a focus on just what you are doing now…the happiness that you are is revealed. Octavia said once “I am quietly happy”. That's it. In this moment nothing else is needed. Octavia is on the right path. She is starting at times to release expectations which can lead to frustration and all sorts of emotions if things don't work out the way you think they should and she is also starting to see that what is happening around us is not a problem, it is what we think about what is happening that can create problems. She said something about this just this morning. A very important realization which is worth discussing in more detail. Maybe in a future post.

Octavia shared her feeling and emotions tonight and she is not sure why she is feeling so deeply or why she finds herself drawn back into situations with someone like Mike whose same lack of communication or “just vanishing” happens again. There was a moment some time ago when Octavia thought maybe some of her feelings were coming from a fear of abandonment. The thought even surprised her and made her realize that this may be possible. Well, she has said that her father loved her but was not involved in her life…he kept his distance…and her mother worked three jobs and left her alone all the time. No wonder she feels bad when she starts to like a situation or to get close to someone and suddenly there is no communication. Suddenly that person is “no longer there”. The strange thing is it probably feels familiar as that is what she grew up with but it's clear it brings back deep emotion and sadness which I would guess she experienced often when she was younger. She wants to smoke or drink so she doesn’t have to feel so deeply. Fortunately she reasoned out why she would not feel better if she smoked, reminded herself that she doesn't like to drink and then once she started to do an activity she was fine. She focused on doing something rather than just thinking. Now if she can just let go of those that are not there for her…meaning seemingly there and drawing her in and then suddenly ignoring her, abandoning her in essence…and instead rely on friends who are supportive and a possible boyfriend who is there for her, communicates regularly and is supportive as well, this might make a difference in her life. She needs to feel that the the people she loves are also going to be there for her.

Lol…yeah, a pretty funny interaction. As you pointed out previously, chicken definitely has some sass in him. Fun stuff to watch. I enjoyed Octavia's wink in there too. I'm wondering if she might have a talent for working with children since she is so creative doing things that children would enjoy. An online children's show with her extended family as cast members?