Funny I'm not....

[Jonno]

I'm not saying she's a whore, but she does give away more pussy than an animal shelter.

 

I'm not saying she's a slut, but I'm pretty sure I saw her vagina on Dirty Jobs.  

[Jonno]

I'm not saying I hate you. All I'm saying is if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.

 

I'm not saying I live in a bad area. But the biggest car park near me I'd outside the Crown Court.  

[Jonno]

I'm not saying she's a bad driver. But when she drives her sat nav doesn't speak, it prays in Latin. 

 

I'm not saying the staff in my local supermarket are thick. But when I asked if they could open Till 2, the manager replied, "We're already open till 10 most nights. 

[Jonno]

I'm not saying my ex is fat. But my memory foam mattress took a year to forget her.

 

I'm not saying the women in my local pub are ugly. But there's a paper bag machine in the gents. 

[Jonno]

I'm not saying that Flat Earthers, Anti-Vaxxers, and Creationists are unintelligent people. But there is a reason why shoes with Velcro straps come in adult sizes. 🤣

[Jonno]

I'm not saying I'm attractive. But everytime I go into the bathroom and take my clothes off I turn the shower on.

 

I'm not saying Asians are bad drivers. But I'm beginning to think that Pearl Harbour was an accident. 

[Jonno]

I'm not saying I hated my late wife. But after she died in a car crash, I kept in touch with the lamppost. 

 

I'm not saying I value sandwiches more than equality.  But my favourite part about LGBT is the BLT bit. 

[Jonno]

I'm not saying Hitler was a good guy. But he really saved the History channel.

 

I'm not saying my wife's a snob. But even her colostomy bag is Louis Vuitton. 

 

I'm not saying I have a big dick. But I can do a three legged race by myself. 

 

[Jonno]

I'm not saying you're stupid. But perhaps you should pursue activities that don't require any form of intellect... like colouring. 

 

I'm not saying she's a whore. But if dicks had wings, her mouth would be an airport. 

[Jonno]

My not saying my girlfriend has bad breath. But during blow jobs, my penis is the one gagging.

 

I'm not saying i got too excited when I kissed that saxophone player.  But I jazzed in my pants.

[Jonno]

I'm not saying she's ugly. But would rather pleasure myself with a cheese grater. 

 

I'm not saying she's ugly. But if I had to list the top 5 ugliest people. She'd be 1-3.

[Jonno]

I'm not saying she's easy. But she's been laid on more kitchen floors than lino.

 

I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat. But when she hung out her panties to dry. We lost an hour of daylight.

 

I'm not saying my friends mum is fat. But I swerved to miss her and ran out of fuel.