Slender Man

A man goes into the bar at the airport and asks the bartender what the password is to the WiFi. Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Man: Okay, I'll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi ok? Man: Sure.. How much is that? Bartender: $4 Man: There you go. So, what's the WiFi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Thai man are all hired at a construction site. The foreman points at a huge pile of sand and says to the large, muscular Scotsman, "You're in charge of shoveling." To the less muscular but still large Italian man, "You're in charge of sweeping." And to the Thai man he says, "You're in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a reasonable dent in that pile of sand." Some the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He spots the the Italian and asks, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" He replies, I no have a broom, you saida to the Thai guy that he wasa ina charge of suppliers, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." The foreman shouts the Scotsman over and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." He replied, "Aye, ye did lad, but ah couldnae git masel a shuvil! Ye left thon wee Thai mannie in chairge of supplies, bit ah couldnae fin the bugger onywhar." The foreman is really pissed off now and storms off towards the pile of sand to look for the Thai guy. As he approaches the mound, the Thai guy leaps out from behind the sand and yells... "SUPPLIES!"

A 65 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to the bingo. Everyone was curious and asked her, "why the change in your interest?" The lady with a look of helplessness replied, "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarell with each other my daughter-in-law always asks my son, "if your mom and I fall into water, which one would you save first?" So, because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, I am learning to swim!" A few days later, her son and his wife were arguing, and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked, "Now tell me! If your mom and I were to fall into water, who would you save first?" The husband replied, "I don't need to get in the water. My mom knows how to swim, she will save you." The wife refuses to relent, "No, you have to jump in the water, and have to save one of us. Which one will it BE?" Husband replies, "Well, I'm sorry to say you'll die anyway because I don't know how to swim, and my mom will definitely save me first!"