Slender Man

That you getting her ready to take the schlong. LOL

She's pretty tidy. Where can you get them? Asking for a friend. LOL

Arriving any day now. LOL

×After 10 pints i was dangerously weaving in the middle of the road. Then i thought it would probably be safer to make the basket at home. ×The school had a big problem with drugs. Especially class A. ×My wife asked me, "Can you have a talk with the kids on drugs?" I said, "Fine, but i don't make any sense when I'm high."

×My wife woke up this morning with a huge smile on her face. Gotta love felt tips. ×My wife accused me of being a transvestite. So I packed her things and left. ×My wife asked me when was I going to stop quoting Elton John lyrics. I said "I think it's going be a long, long time.

No need to mention it. Does it annoy you.

She's never been one for showing much affection, not unless it's a phone. The sex is a chore to her, just happy when it's over. Only God knows how they are still together.

A farmer and his daughter are going along a road in a wagon when they are held up by robbers. Everything is taken from them apart from some coins that the daughter manages to hide in her vagina. Afterwards, she gives these to her father and tries to console him for his loss. "Oh," he says, "If only your mother was here, we could have saved the horse and wagon too".

My wife said, "You bastard, you're shagging that bitch from Llanfairwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrn, aren't you?" I said, "How can you even say that?"

My son said, "Dad, I want to be in politics when I grow up." I replied, "Are you insane?! Have you completely lost your mind?! Are you a moron?! He shook his head and mumbled, "Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements!'

A lesbian goes to a gynecologist. The gynecologist says, " I must say, this is the cleanest pussy I've seen in ages. "Thanks," the lesbian says. "I have a woman in 4 times a week."

What a fucking idiot. LOL

LOL

My cock was in the book of World Records. But then the librarian told me to take it out.

An old man is at his bedside praying when his wife asks, "what are you doing?" I'm praying for guidance", replies the man. "Just pray for stiffness," says the wife, "and I'll guide the fucker."