Perhaps an edit:
"I do not understand the English language, although I was born and partially educated here. I find homophones, such as "to," "two," and "too," frustrating because I can never remember which is which. It's unfair for a language to have words that sound the same, but have different meanings. All words should have but one meaning, irrespective of context. English spelling is unjust. There was some rule about the letter "i" coming before the letter "e" when the two are side by side, but it was way too complicated, although I did get a "C" in that.
"For example, why does the medicine take the cankers away, but the Navy guys are enthusiastically making anchors aweigh?
"And you know what? Only a midget can smell a man's colon as he passes by.
The end."
It's "I" before "E", except before "C"... ;)