BBsq69, "I should have planned my life better", here is your key, you can heal yourself with.
Never forget, these girls aren't real. They are pictures, shadows on the wall, unreachable for us all. Imagine, you'll made it possible to go to Barcelona. Then imagine, you'll get the "luck" to find her. And then? The real woman, you woud see then, would be a desaster. that woman fits into nothing, her behavior, her thoughts are not from your world. And then, why can you think, she is waiting for you ?
You chase a ghost, and at least a nightmare.
Think about women in you real world.
I wish you luck.