Paul is permanently in a passive, adaptive role. His socialization was likely shaped by missing paternal correction and a dominant maternal influence. From this, an internal behavior pattern developed wanting to please, avoiding conflict, putting his own needs aside. This pattern is not a character trait, but a learned strategy to secure relationships.
In the relationship dynamic, this strategy leads to a structural role reversal. Leora takes over the controlling and limiting role. Closeness, sexuality, and decision-making space are controlled by her, while Paul remains reactive and uses withdrawal as a way to deal with conflict. Public humiliations are not accidents, but symptoms. An MMA fighter as a desktop background is not a coincidence, but a clear display of power. Paul accepts it. Silently. He interprets disrespect as provocation that he must endure. By doing so, he finally signals the abandonment of his dignity.
His natural aggression is externalized and ritualized. In training, which he attends only occasionally, it is briefly allowed to exist, controlled, regulated, without consequences. In the relationship, it remains taboo instead of being effectively integrated there. As a result, there is no tension, no friction, and no mutual recognition that a woman needs. There is also no real conflict with him. He is the “Mister Nice Guy,” but over time she did not or does not become happy. The relationship slowly decays.
For Leora, this constellation is stable because it offers predictability and control. For Paul, it remains dysfunctional, because his original promise to be different from his father ends in complete self-denial.
The problem is not a lack of kindness, but the loss of agency. Without clear boundaries, the ability to handle conflict, and personal interests, the relationship collapses, or someone else enters.