Aussie_oi_oi Posted April 4 Share Posted April 4 “Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members…. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers!” 😉 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted April 8 Share Posted April 8 Joke of the day 😉 A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, 'I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?' 'I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm. ' The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. I have never heard of that condition before' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?' The woman nodded, 'Pepper.' 😉 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 Joke of the day 😉 "My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night, now we never see each other" 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted April 29 Share Posted April 29 Joke of the day 😉 An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat." "But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday! 😉 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted April 29 Share Posted April 29 ROTFLMFAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted May 1 Share Posted May 1 Joke of the day 😉 A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted May 1 Share Posted May 1 Joke of the day 😉 A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted May 1 Share Posted May 1 Joke of the day 😉 A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted May 1 Share Posted May 1 Joke of the day 😉 Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted May 5 Share Posted May 5 Joke of the day 😉 A father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand-new bike. "Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over 300 dollars!" "I earned it hiking," replied the boy. "Hiking??? Come on son; tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that sort of money hiking. Where did you really get the cash from?" "It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr. Goldberg from the bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar bill and tell me to take a hike!" 😉 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted May 5 Share Posted May 5 3 hours ago, Aussie_oi_oi said: Joke of the day 😉 A father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand-new bike. "Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over 300 dollars!" "I earned it hiking," replied the boy. "Hiking??? Come on son; tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that sort of money hiking. Where did you really get the cash from?" "It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr. Goldberg from the bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar bill and tell me to take a hike!" 😉 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted May 15 Share Posted May 15 Joke of the day 😉 A man took his 7-year-old son to London Zoo for the day. As they were wandering around, they came upon the elephant enclosure. The boy was extremely excited and, at the top of his voice, shrieked, “Look Dad! there's a frickin' Elephant!” His Dad was not only shocked but also very angry as everybody was looking at them following his son's outburst. “WHAT did you just call it?” the father demanded. " A frickin' Elephant, Dad," replied his son "it says so on the sign." The boy was absolutely correct. The sign read: 'A F R I C A N Elephant'. 😉 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.