Jonno Posted December 23, 2024 Author Posted December 23, 2024 A woman is like a parachute - can refuse at any time, that's why you need to have a spare one. My wife asked me, "What are the chances I will get accepted into a convent if I lose weight?" I said, "Slim to nun". 2 Quote
Jonno Posted December 23, 2024 Author Posted December 23, 2024 I tried being polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!". Fucking bitch. Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Cause you are annoying and won't shut the fuck up. 2 Quote
Jonno Posted December 23, 2024 Author Posted December 23, 2024 No man has ever won a game of "Notice anything different about me?" Damn girl, are you a newspaper? Because there's a new issue with you every fucking day. 2 Quote
Jonno Posted December 23, 2024 Author Posted December 23, 2024 She's looking for a man to take her breath away. Hopefully gagging counts. Most females don't answer video calls after 9pm because their face has been restored to factory settings. 3 Quote
Jonno Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 Marriage through the ages creates new reflexive responses, for example it was only the other night the wife panted that she was so very hot, so I turned on the air conditioner. My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now. 2 Quote
Jonno Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 Females, repeat after me: "I was wrong and I'm sorry." 😂 2 Quote
Jonno Posted January 11 Author Posted January 11 It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. Drink till she's cute, but stop before the wedding. 2 Quote
Jonno Posted January 11 Author Posted January 11 If a woman is as cold as a fish, a man has to be as patient as a fisherman. When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned. Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet. 2 Quote
Jonno Posted January 12 Author Posted January 12 Don't ever think you're completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example. I just came across my wife's Tinder profile and I'm so angry about her lies. She is not "fun to be around". 3 Quote
Jonno Posted January 15 Author Posted January 15 Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she is doing. If it's not Valentine's day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?" 1 1 Quote
Jonno Posted January 15 Author Posted January 15 I hate girls that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks are single and you don't see them crying about it. 1 Quote
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