Jonno Posted September 14, 2024 Author Share Posted September 14, 2024 She wanted to sell me a whole bedroom set, but I just wanted one nightstand. Met a girl in the pub last night who said she'd show me a good time... Got outside, she ran 100m in 9.72 seconds... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted September 16, 2024 Author Share Posted September 16, 2024 Porn is so unrealistic, my stepmom hated me. People who buy sex dolls are just fucking dummies. There, I said it. I asked my pilot if she'd be okay having sex with me on our flight. She replied, "I don't give a flying fuck. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted September 26, 2024 Author Share Posted September 26, 2024 Only 1% of women can orgasm from breast stimulation alone. If you are one of them, kindly contact me directly. Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted September 26, 2024 Author Share Posted September 26, 2024 Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade! All men are not fools, there are still some bachelors. My wife is on a tropical fruit diet, the house is full of the stuff. It's enough to make a mango crazy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted October 2, 2024 Author Share Posted October 2, 2024 Only after you get married you realise that those husband-wife jokes were not just jokes. My mother-in-law sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren't that Lonely. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted October 2, 2024 Author Share Posted October 2, 2024 Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out the box. I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning. She said, "How do you know he was on his way to work?" Hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Nailed it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted October 2, 2024 Author Share Posted October 2, 2024 As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way. I think to myself maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me. My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she's a keeper. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted October 5, 2024 Author Share Posted October 5, 2024 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. I'm never smoking weed with immigrants again. I asked, "Anyone have any papers?" And they all ran like fuck. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted October 5, 2024 Author Share Posted October 5, 2024 When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked. 70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots. If I got a pound for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted October 12, 2024 Author Share Posted October 12, 2024 Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick. I drink to forget that I accidentally once said, "I love you" when ending a call with a customer service rep. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted October 12, 2024 Author Share Posted October 12, 2024 What can strike a blonde without even knowing it? A thought. If pink and glitter were vitamins, blondes would be the healthiest people around. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexandria Posted October 14, 2024 Share Posted October 14, 2024 A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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