Slender Man

3 Aussies are backpacking across NZ. As they're travelling they come across a kiwi fucking a sheep, so they yell out, "Oi mate, where we come from we normally shear them." The kiwi shouts back, "Fuck off, I'm not sharing this with no-one."

"G'day mate, Aussie helpline here... What's the problem, cobber?" "I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has closed up." "Bummer, mate...!" "Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that, Bye."

Two Aussie priests are in a bathroom using the urinals. One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a NicoDerm patch on it. He laughs and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis." The other replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day."

A Scotsman, a Chinaman, an American and an Aussie were in the pub debating whose country was the best. The Scotsman reckoned his was the best because they had the greenest grass. The American reckoned his was because they had the most beautiful flag. The Chinaman reckoned his was because of their great wall. The Aussie laughed we're the best, " cos we got the Kangaroo, and they can jump over your great wall, crap on your grass and wipe it's ass with your flag!