Mind if I muddy up your thread with a few jokes? Too bad. I will anyway. ;)
A man was telling his buddy "You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said,
"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out,
throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop.
Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army, sell my car and cancel the insurance, take away my front door key and throw me out of the house.
Then, disown me and never talk to me again.
Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."
"Holy Smokes!" replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that.
She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend - - Mohammed.
We're going to work together on Hillary's election campaign!' "
Barack Obama got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror
and noticed that he was white from the neck to the top of his head.
In a sheer panic and fearing he was turning white all over, he called his doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately.
After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Barack, and told him to drink it all.
Barack drank the concoction and said, "That tasted like bullshit!"
"It was." the doctor replied, "You were a quart low."