Freddie57

He must have forgot to read the fine print on the box. Another one vying for the Prestigious Darwin Award.

These people are many slices short of full loaf. Anyone that believes that Don the Cons election was stolen need's to be institutionalized.

Mr. and Mrs. Thompkins, who've been very happy together for 12 years, currently, are experiencing a phase of boredom and stagnation. To change things up, Mr. Thompkins gets an idea: Have sex in a near-by graveyard. With a mix of reluctance and excitement, Mrs. Thompkins agrees and they go off to make love in front of a--formerly--live audience. The pair finds a flat tombstone to lay down upon and begin kissing, rubbing, thrusting. The sex is incredible; their faint spark ignites into a supernova. Perhaps going a little too hard, Mrs. Thompkins gets a really bad pain in her hip, after they finish. Next day, in the early afternoon, she goes to a doctor to make sure there isn't a serious sprain. Her physical and body inspection are done, and she patiently waits to receive the results. Before too long, the doctor returns to her with a bewildered expression on his face."Well, Mrs. Thompkins", he says, "there is no fracture or sprain, just a simple over-extension of the muscle tissue; take things slow when you move and it'll straighten out in a few days. "Oh, thank goodness", she says, hand covering her heart in relief. "And thank you, doctor!" The doctor's forehead creases. "Ma'am, may I ask you one, somewhat unrelated, question? A slightly strange question?" Mrs. Thompkins, now befuddled herself, answers "Sure. Go ahead." "Exactly how old are you?" "I'm 41. Doesn't it say that on my file? Born on February 7th, 1982." "Well, yes it does---but on your left ass-cheek, it says you died on August 12th, 1917."

Last night I was about to take a short cut through the graveyard when two young ladies stopped me. "Can we walk with you?" said one of them. "Please?" "Sure," I said, and off we went. "It really freaks us out walking through the graveyard after dark," explained the other. "No problem," I said. "...It used to freak me out too, back when I was alive."

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!" "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

Cutting back on production will only raise the gasoline prices once again.

If a person was bright enough they'd have multiple accounts all $250,000 or less. Having 1 account with millions or even billions it's a big loss when things fail. Socialism for the poor and hard capitalism for the rich.

Ford wants to allow your car to lock you out — and even drive itself to an impound lot or scrapyard — if you miss payments WWW.MSN.COM The car would first lose the use of features like GPS and A/C. As a last resort, it could lock the driver out and drive itself away for repossession.