Jonno Posted February 19 Author Share Posted February 19 When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... But when I do it I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot". Our whole family is really worried about my Grandfather's Viagra addiction. Grandma is taking it particularly hard. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 48 minutes ago, Jonno said: Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking or highjacking? **Enjoyable! My dad sent me to a psychiatrist for wearing his bra again. **Oh, my!! Got an email today from a "bored housewife 33, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy. 🤣 **LMFAO 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted February 19 Author Share Posted February 19 Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance. Long story short, my girlfriend said no. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Cinderella. Why do women pierce their bellybutton? Place to hang their air freshener. 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted February 20 Author Share Posted February 20 Just because you have one doesn't mean you need to act like one. I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days. Did you hear about the depressed plumber? He's been going through some shit. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted February 20 Author Share Posted February 20 Spreading rumours? At least you're spreading something else besides your legs. You're so stupid you could count your balls all day long and never come up with the same number twice. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted February 25 Author Share Posted February 25 So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response. The consensus after the election is that 100% of Americans think 50% of Americans have lost their minds. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted February 25 Author Share Posted February 25 The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by end of the week. A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason.... details are sketchy. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted February 28 Author Share Posted February 28 Adam's girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of his motorbike. He just rode on. Ruthless. Scooters and fat girls are both fun to ride. Until your friends see you. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted February 28 Author Share Posted February 28 A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Top 3 situations that require witnesses. 1) Crimes. 2) Accidents. 3) Marriages. Need I say more? Any married man should forget his mistakes. No use in two people remembering the same thing. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted February 28 Author Share Posted February 28 I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonno Posted February 28 Author Share Posted February 28 Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she's doing. You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication. You'll never have a successful relationship with a woman if you can't tell the difference between a smile and a warning. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foamy T. Squirrel Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 I'm a big fan of one-liner jokes. Can't help it. I was born 9 months premature. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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