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Edinburgh Festival Top 15


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The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe

  1. "My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart" - Masai Graham
  2. "Why is it old people say "there's no place like home", yet when you put them in one…" - Stuart Mitchell
  3. "I've been happily married for four years - out of a total of 10" - Mark Watson
  4. "Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit" - Mark Smith
  5. "I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn't much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second" - Will Duggan
  6. "Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated" - Tiff Stevenson
  7. "I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words" - Gary Delaney
  8. "Why is Henry's wife covered in tooth marks? Because he's Tudor" - Adele Cliff
  9. "Don't you hate it when people assume you're rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?" - Annie McGrath
  10. "Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask" - Jordan Brookes
  11. "Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first" - Michelle Wolf
  12. "I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound" - Roger Swift
  13. "Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer" - Arthur Smith
  14. "I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses" - Zoe Lyons
  15. "Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word" -Phil Nicol

Some of you might object to the racist nature of 7 but I regard 5 as far worse!!!! Terrible punning always seems to be a feature but 15. isn't even close to a pun.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 8/23/2016 at 4:17 AM, BBsq69 said:

The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe

  1. "My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart" - Masai Graham
  2. "Why is it old people say "there's no place like home", yet when you put them in one…" - Stuart Mitchell
  3. "I've been happily married for four years - out of a total of 10" - Mark Watson
  4. "Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit" - Mark Smith
  5. "I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn't much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second" - Will Duggan
  6. "Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated" - Tiff Stevenson
  7. "I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words" - Gary Delaney
  8. "Why is Henry's wife covered in tooth marks? Because he's Tudor" - Adele Cliff
  9. "Don't you hate it when people assume you're rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?" - Annie McGrath
  10. "Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask" - Jordan Brookes
  11. "Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first" - Michelle Wolf
  12. "I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound" - Roger Swift
  13. "Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer" - Arthur Smith
  14. "I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses" - Zoe Lyons
  15. "Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word" -Phil Nicol

Some of you might object to the racist nature of 7 but I regard 5 as far worse!!!! Terrible punning always seems to be a feature but 15. isn't even close to a pun.

15) I think you were supposed to leave off the "a" in soya.

Don't worry BB, Americans and Canadians aren't a race, we are many races. Here are a few I can think of:

*Though some of us live in a rat hole; we all have experienced the rat race.

**Every so often there's a race at the Indianapolis Raceway...for the snowbirds there's the Daytona Raceway.

***Sometimes we have to race to the loo; it can be a race against time.

****Sometimes we like to watch racy movies, though sometimes they can drag on and on...

*****Did you know that wheel bearings have races...it's true.

******I didn't want to mention the presidential race because it ain't funny...

The average American -and Canuk- isn't a racist. In my experience those who cry "Racism" the most and/or loudest fall into two categories; those who want to cause trouble to acquire something (notoriety, money, etc...) they did not earn, or, someone who is in trouble for something they did earn and want to "weazle" out of it.

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