jblak

A stuttering man finally decides to go to the doctor to see if his speech impediment can be cured. The doctor thoroughly examines the man and eventually asks him to drop his pants. Out comes this gigantic dick and the doctor pronounces the root of the problem to be strain on the vocal chords from the effects of gravity being transmitted up to the neck area. The patient then asks "Wh-wh-at c-c-ca-an b-b-e d-d-done ab-b-bout- t-t i-i- t?" to which the doctor replies "Modern surgery can work miracles. We can replace your dick with one of normal size and the stuttering will disappear right after the operation!" The patient eagerly agrees to the surgery, and as promised his stuttering disappears. About 3 months later the man returns to the doctor and complains "Doctor, I am grateful to you for having cured me, but my wife really misses a big dick, and rather than lose her I've decided to get my old dick back and live with stuttering for the rest of my life". The doctor then looks straight at the man and replies "d-d- de-deal's a d-d-deal".

A young country Irish lad is at the local barn dance. He spies in the distance, a fine looking young lassie. After building up as much courage as he can, he saunters over to her and asks her would she like to dance. She does, so they do. After a few slow dances he looks her straight in the eye and says "Can I smell your fanny?" to which she, not altogether unsurprisingly replies "You certainly can NOT!!" He nonchalantly turns to her and says "Oh, it must be your feet then".

A man is walking along a beach, when he walks past a young woman lying on a blanket, crying. The girl's face and figure are quite attractive, but she has no arms or legs. The man walks over and asks "Excuse me, miss, why are you crying? Can I help you with something?" The girl looks up at him and says "I'm twenty-five years old, and I've never been kissed! Would you please kiss me, like a man kisses a woman?" The man leans over her, and they kiss for several minutes, which she seems to appreciate. She thanks him, and he gets up and starts walking away. But then he hears her behind him, crying even louder than before. Being a nice guy, he goes back and asks "What's wrong now? You've been kissed. Aren't you happy?" "Yes, I'm happy that you kissed me" she says "but I'm twenty-five years old, and no one's ever played with my breasts or my pussy". So, once again, he obliges, and helps her out of her bathing suit, and lies down beside her. He plays with her for a while, which both of them enjoy. Then he helps her back into her bathing suit, and heads off again. Again he hears sobs, which are now louder than ever, and this brings him back. "What now?" he asks. "I've kissed you, I've played with you, I've told you how beautiful you are. Aren't you happy?" "Yes" she says "I'm happy for all that, but I'm twenty-five years old, and I've never been fucked". So he leans over, lifts her in his arms, walks down to the water's edge, throws her out as far as he can into the waves, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED NOW!"

The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. So the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr. Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening and to ask his advice. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side". The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily. "You are truly a wise veterinarian" they said. "How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes: "My wife is from Sicily".

Sam and Susan were invited to a costume party. Susan went out and rented costumes for the both of them. However, when the time came for the party, Susan wasn't feeling well and Sam went on alone. A few hours later, Susan began to feel better and decided to go on to the party. She realised that while she knew Sam was in a gorilla suit, he had never seen her costume, and decided to go and see what he got up to while he was alone. She arrived and observed him dancing closely with a series of beautiful women. She approached him and began flirting, and soon they were taking a walk in the woods alone. They then undressed in the darkness and had sex. She got home before her husband and when he arrived, she was in bed. She asked him "How was the party?" He replied "Oh, the usual - you know I never have much fun at these things alone". "Didn't you even dance?" she asked. "No, I sat in the den all night playing cards. The guy I lent my costume to had a ball, though..."

A woman goes to her gynecologist. "What seems to be the problem?" asked her doctor. "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my Vagina". The doctor had a look, then chuckled before she said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the stickers off the bananas".

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls. He had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors. On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor. His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends. The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg and fracturing his skull. He was so upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence. But the company would have none of it and told him there was no liability and he could get lost! You can imagine he was very annoyed with tractors after this and vowed to remove them from his life completely and forever. All the posters came down, the toys were given away - tractors were GONE. Many years later, Joe went into a bar for a drink. Inside, the cigarette and cigar smoke was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at the bar on her own. Tears were streaming down her face. Joe asked her what was wrong and she said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears. With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke. He then walked outside into the car park and blew all the smoke out again. He goes back into the bar where the air is now clear and sweet and sits down next to the girl. "That was amazing!" she said "How did you do that?" "No problem" said Joe... "I'm an ex-tractor fan..."

They are shagging now, and she is cleaning him up with a BJ. I wonder if they know a camera is on them, she has a rocking body on her too! VERY cute! Oh remember the days when you used to go hell for leather with your girlfriend, bust a load, the back up and go for round 2, 10 mins later and then a third time after that. Those were the days :)

I agree totally, N&B are a great couple and have some serious fun fooling around on the lounge together and Nelly by herself when she plays the violin (very good too) naked :woohoo: in the loungeroom.

:drool: It's such a shame that due to the time difference here, I rarely get to see this happening live. Nelly is a great chick and obviously loves being banged hard and is also extremely good at giving Bogdan a terrific BJ. Here's hoping they get it on tomorrow night. Cheers Jon

Maybe she's watching "The Flinstones, A xxx Parody"

She's pointing her pussy at the free camera right now, show time!!. Damn she is pretending to sleep, but those nice inviting pussy lips are pouting at the camera, fuck me fuck me please!!!. If she had C cup titties I think she would be the perfect woman. It would be nice to be able to enlarge the screen 200%

John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked "What's wrong?" "It's my mother-in-law" John replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her". "Cheer up" Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in- law". "Yeah" John answered. "But I got mine pregnant".

I was driving home last night and I sent the wife a text saying "Be home in 5 min" she replied "Hurry, I'm up stairs naked and I've tied myself to the bed, come and put me in my rightful place". So I drove home, went upstairs and carried her back to the kitchen.

Sister Mary Catherine and Sister Mary Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them. Sister Mary Catherine casts her eyes heavenward and cries "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!" Mary Elizabeth turns and says "Mine does..." -- Ladies: We don't care if the carpet matches the drapes as long as there is no rug on the back porch.

One day a man comes home from work and he decides to tell his wife that he has been having an affair with his secretary. When he walks in the door he finds his wife in the living room. "Um, honey, I got something to tell you". "Hold on" the wife says "I've got something to tell you first". "What is it?" asks the husband. "Well" the wife begins "before we knew each other, I... uh... had a sex change". "What exactly are you saying?" "Simply put" the wife says "I used to be a man". "My god" the husband replies "and you've been hitting from the ladies tees this whole time!

An old couple decided to go trick or treating for the first time in 50 years, The wife says " what can I go as?" The husband says " go as whatever you like". She disappears into the bedroom and emerges naked with a piece of string hanging between her legs with a lemon tied to the end. The husband says " What the hell" Wife says "you said I could go as anything I wanted, so this is it!" Husband goes into the bedroom and returns naked with a potato hanging off a piece of string, tied to his cock. Wife says, now what the hell are you supposed to be?" Husband replies, "Well if your going as a Sour Puss, I'm going as a Dicktator!"

What's yellow and kills beatles? Yoko Ono

They seem to have made up at the moment, she was all over him a few minutes ago whilst cooking and getting ready, walking around in just undies, cute chick, she is. You wouldn't kick her out of bed if she farted, I'd stick my head under the covers as it would probably smell like roses 8)

Q. How do you greet a Jewish Kiwi A. Hee Brew! Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother Tom, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu But I think it's Tom. My wife put on a pair of crotchless knickers this morning opened her legs and said "I bet this brings back memories doesn't it, love?" I said yeah "I just remembered I gotta nip down the butchers". I asked my wife what she would like for an anniversary gift. She said "Something gold... I like gold!" I asked "Yes, but what?" She said "I honestly don't mind, just something gold". She had very little grounds for any argument as I handed her a fish. Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf. Paddy said "I gonna do that when I win lottery". "What's dat?" says his mate. Send me lawn away to be cut, says Paddy. A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother. The young boy answered "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary".

Shes in the living room practicing the violin naked, She also just rubbed one out in the bathtub. She just put a top on but you can still see that lovely pussy. Rub one out for the team at the table gorgeous

WTF is she, she's cute! :yes: