Jokes #3

[pulo filipe]

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

[ARMY SNIPER]

Does anybody know what a Wise monkey is?

It's a monkey that don't monkey with another monkey's monkey.

         

[Slipper Guyquad]

I asked my girlfriend if she would do some role play and pretend to be a nurse.

So she got the uniform, asked me to lie down, pulled down my pants....

....Then put me on a 9 month waiting list. 

[pulo filipe]

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

[letsdothis]

Occasionally you hear about a really dry spell in Texas.

I always thought the stories exaggerated until I got a birthday card from there last week.

They attached the stamp with a staple.

[pulo filipe]

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have ten left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."

[pulo filipe]

I like to spend my weekends playing chess with old men in the park. It's not easy. You try finding thirty-two old guys.

[letsdothis]

What did the dentist call the x-ray he took of your mouth?

A tooth pic.

[letsdothis]

Dave lost his wife's audiobook...

And now he'll never hear the end of it.

[Slipper Guyquad]

I decided to read the whole Dictionary, from start to finish.

Turns out the Zebra did it.

[Slipper Guyquad]

I bought a pack of powdered water.

I have no idea what to add to it.

[Slipper Guyquad]

I realise now why my Dog is so confused, when i say that it's time for walkies.

I probably shouldn't have given it the name Sit.