TBG 150 Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her labia reduced in size because, over the years they had become loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon. "I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"! The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself. The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done last year." "And what about the third rose?" she asked. "That's from a man in the burn unit; he wanted to thank you for his new ears." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiaRobinson Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 love it 🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 Joke of the day 😉 A teacher was wrapping up class and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart-ass, male student named Mike Hart said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write." 😉 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 Joke of the day 😉 Twin sisters in an Irish Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100-year-old twins. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa. The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other. "Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman. Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE.." So they wiggled up close to each other. "Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer. Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS! " With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH LARD JESUS! BOTH OF US? 😉 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 Joke of the day 😉 Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy! 😉 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 Joke of the day 😉 A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart store and asks,in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit,or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit." 😉 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 Joke of the day 😉 A farmer named McBride lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and McBride went to the parish priest and asked "Father, the dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Michael replied "No, we cannot have a service for the animal in the church, but there is a new denomination down the road. No telling what they believe. Maybe they will do something for the animal." McBride said, "I'll go right now, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Michael asked, " why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?" 😉 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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