My dear! There are some deep troubles in your mind at the time, I guess. But - cheer up -no soup is eaten as hot as is cooked. But - it has to be eaten the way you've cooked it. π
You have chosen your path. Stepping new steps one way or another - sometimes to quick, sometimes to slow. It doesn't matter. It is - your way. Your way to be what you really are. What you really want to be, to do..whatever.
Actually, you ought to be happy - you're lucky to be - pretty. Very pretty, hehe. You're lucky to have - so many talents. You're smart, you're healthy! You have responsibilities and stuff you care about. You have people that admire you in more than just one way (I mean - not the only...that way). And least - not the last - you are lucky to be all of that + being a - woman. Khm...the Queen! π
It's not easy all of the time. But, keep in mind - you are the one that makes your world around. Here, there, it doesn't matter. You are a wonderful person wherever you go.
Of course you question yourself many things, among all of them - your relationship as well. Been there, done that. You are the only one you answer to. Whatever you will do - it will be your soup. Cook it well! Or - get on and look for a new recipe. There are many soups... π And - there's only one - Leora. And yeah - so may chefs, hehe.
Btw - your lovely rosebud between your cheeks is there - behind and up to your lovely petals...
Kiss! π