Aussie_oi_oi

Over 50 never trust a fart 🤣

Yep

Joke of the day 😉 Little Johnny Learns About Society: Johnny asks his dad how a country runs. His dad thinks and replies, ‘Well, it’s like this. I earn the money in the house, so I’m the rich. Your mom takes care of running the home, so she is the government. The maid is the working class, and your baby brother is the future. And finally you Johnny, are the average citizen.’ That night Johnny is woken up by his baby brother’s cries. He goes to the crib and notices that his brother has soiled his diapers. He runs to his mom and finds her fast asleep. He then goes to the maid’s room and finds her in bed with his father. He returns to his bed. The next day Johnny tells his dad that he has the working of a country all figured out. His dad asks him to explain. “A country is where an average citizen can’t get proper sleep as the rich are screwing the working class, the government is fast asleep and the future is full of shit,” Johnny explains. 😉

Joke of the day 😉 Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at the local Golf Club when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green. The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood. The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.' The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.' After a very considerable inspection, the third lady finally says, 'He's not even a member of this golf club.' 😉

Looking like there all going to have an nana nap. nana nap noun AUSTRALIAN•NEW ZEALAND plural noun: nanna naps a short sleep taken to refresh oneself, especially during the day. "siestas and nana naps can also leave us feeling groggy and lethargic, so are they healthy?"

The girls look exhausted and it's only 2:30pm. Time for a nanna nap...

No one will play with her

Out of UM now, watching TV together on the couch.

Yes, I too was watching and saw that. Maybe a power outage.

Any idea why the apartments has gone UM?

What's Paul up to on the computer?

Gone but not forgotten

Joke of the day 😉 A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do your think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!" 😉

Just thought it was interesting what is classed as an Schengen Area. What countries are in Schengen Area? Germany, Austria, Belgium, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Italy, Latvia, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, the Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden and Switzerland Just thought it was interesting what is classed as an Schengen Area.

Joke of the day 😉 As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to sing at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's Cemetery out near Lindale. As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost. Everyone that knows me knows I can be directionally challenged AND my navigation lost its signal. I hate Sprint!! Anyway, I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt bad and apologized to the guys for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to sing. The workers put down their lunch and began to gather around. I sang my heart and soul out for this man with no family and friends. As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the spirit began to move and the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I prayed a benediction and started for my car, my head hung low but my heart so FULL. As I opened the door to my car, I overheard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.” Apparently, I was still lost.. 😉

Joke of the day 😉 When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day. Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a black and white TV. Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your midlife crisis 😉

Joke of the day 😉 A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So, he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, "what's up with these chickens?" The farmer said, "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how they tasted. The farmer said, "don't know, haven't caught one yet 😉

Joke of the day 😉 Scavenger Hunt A woman answered her front door and found two little boys standing there holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging scavenger hunt?" To which the little boy replied, "Our sitter's boyfriend." 😉

Thanks Pulo, I'll pop in when I can.

Yes, for may mouths. I've a very lucky man to be alive. So I can live with the pain and crap as it's better the being dead.

Haven't been to good this is why I haven't been around. Thanks for asking Pulo

Hasn't been real flash, and my shoulder from the fall is giving me hell. Haven't been able to be around much due to the pain levels.

He needs to keep his strength up to keep Leora happy in bed.

Joke of the day 😉 Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy." The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes." "What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes....'" 😉

“My desire to be a dermatologist was only skin deep. I knew I was destined for osteology. I could feel it in my bones.”