Jokes #1

[letsdothis]

I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched.

So after a brief chat I went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much,
probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this
or join an incel chatroom.

I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry
blonde hair, all the right curves in all the right places. I couldn't believe my
luck.

I asked her what she did for a living. She said she taught Sunday school.
Now I never had me a Christian girl, but I'm open minded so I took her to
dinner.

On the way, I lit a joint and asked her if she puffs.

"Oh heaven's no, what would I tell my Sunday school children."

I said okay, weed's 50/50 some people do some people don't. And I took
her to the best restaurant I knew. I ordered the steak, she ordered the
lobster. I asked for the second most expensive bottle of wine on the
menu. When the waitress came to pour, She said she didn't drink.

I said "you don't drink?!?"

"Oh heaven's no, what would I tell my Sunday school children."

Excellent food, sparkling conversation but i'm bummed out, I don't know
what to do with a girl like this.

So I'm driving her home and pass a cheap motel, I figure, what have I got
to lose. So i ask: "You wanna get a room and knock boots?"

She says: I thought you'd never ask!

I say: Really? What are you gonna tell your Sunday school children?

She says: The same thing I tell them every week. You don't have to drink
and do drugs to have a good time!

[letsdothis]

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

 

You use spring water.

[letsdothis]

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal
marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain.

 

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

[letsdothis]

Hey, @jabbath1987, jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

[letsdothis]

A woman has identical twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other
goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan.

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also
had a picture of Amal.

He responds, "They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Amal."

[letsdothis]

A policeman stops a car.

Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you taking it and what do you
do for a living?

Miner: Mine

[jabbath1987]

36 minutes ago, letsdothis said:

Hey, @jabbath1987, jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

Loool 😁

[letsdothis]

What do you call a hippie's wife?

 

Mississippi.

[Dave 27]

What did the Spanish fireman call his twin sons?

Juan Jose and Two Jose

[letsdothis]

I was having a bad time once and my friends felt the need to comfort
me. They told me, “Cheer up. Bird flu, it could be worse. You could be
stuck at the bottom of a deep hole filled with water.”

I knew they meant well.

[letsdothis]

People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones.

But people in Abu Dhabi do!

[letsdothis]

What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.