letsdothis Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched. So after a brief chat I went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom. I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all the right places. I couldn't believe my luck. I asked her what she did for a living. She said she taught Sunday school. Now I never had me a Christian girl, but I'm open minded so I took her to dinner. On the way, I lit a joint and asked her if she puffs. "Oh heaven's no, what would I tell my Sunday school children." I said okay, weed's 50/50 some people do some people don't. And I took her to the best restaurant I knew. I ordered the steak, she ordered the lobster. I asked for the second most expensive bottle of wine on the menu. When the waitress came to pour, She said she didn't drink. I said "you don't drink?!?" "Oh heaven's no, what would I tell my Sunday school children." Excellent food, sparkling conversation but i'm bummed out, I don't know what to do with a girl like this. So I'm driving her home and pass a cheap motel, I figure, what have I got to lose. So i ask: "You wanna get a room and knock boots?" She says: I thought you'd never ask! I say: Really? What are you gonna tell your Sunday school children? She says: The same thing I tell them every week. You don't have to drink and do drugs to have a good time! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 How do you make a water bed more bouncy? You use spring water. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 Hey, @jabbath1987, jokes about German sausage are the wurst. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 A woman has identical twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. He responds, "They're identical twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 A policeman stops a car. Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living? Miner: Mine 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jabbath1987 Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 36 minutes ago, letsdothis said: Hey, @jabbath1987, jokes about German sausage are the wurst. Loool 😁 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave 27 Posted July 17, 2019 Share Posted July 17, 2019 What did the Spanish fireman call his twin sons? Juan Jose and Two Jose 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 I was having a bad time once and my friends felt the need to comfort me. They told me, “Cheer up. Bird flu, it could be worse. You could be stuck at the bottom of a deep hole filled with water.” I knew they meant well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones. But people in Abu Dhabi do! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common? Icy dead people. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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