Dave 27

Crosswires I think pal,"the first requirement "was for two 20cm cocks but God only graced us with one each lol😀😀

We all fail the first requirement pal!! Not unless!!!!!!!!😀😀

Ah yeh i have just noticed the ones I used are stored.Thanks buddy👍

I tapped the emoji button and a blank screen with "no used emoji's" came up so I scrolled to the left(sounds like The Time Warp😀)and hallelujah pages of the little fuckers popped up.Don't you worry I know what I am doing pal,😀😀😀😀 Remember if you ever have any I.T. problems you know who to ask.😀😀😀😀😀😀

😀😀😀😀😀👍A wee scroll here and a wee scroll there👍Cheers pal.

Not too bad, the blue header is different from my old tablet with some bits swapped around nothing major. I have to use the 3 horizontal lines icon to bring up the PM and notification thingys but as you can see It's all OK so far.One big improvement is the clarity of the graphics(does that make sense)100% better.Oh I've no emojis, the button is on the keyboard but there is nowt there!!!! Help!!!

Yeh,Yeh ok,whatever!!!!

Tosser!!!

In his dreams😀

Believe it or not I worked as a storekeeper in Edinburgh's Telford College(now Edinburgh College,you'll know it Just).I had lost my job as a driver with the Edinburgh Evening News because of the Epilepsy but got a start in Telford College as a Technical Assistant but I always fancied stores work and I finally managed to wheedle my way into central stores.This was mid 90's and a big part of the stores function was raising Purchase Orders for everything in the college using data processors and I had to learn how to use them so this was new territory for me but I was fine.A few years later and a new boss,young female Geordie(best boss I ever had)arrived and within months announced to us that the whole college was getting PC's,needless to say I nearly shit myself.However we all got a short courses on how to operate the desktops and while not the best I was perfectly capable of doing my job.They couldn't get rid of me anyway cos I was one of the few qualified Forklift Truck Drivers in the college.😀.So what I'm saying is that once upon a time I was not too bad on a proper PC.When I took VR from the college one of the I.T. Techs sort of let a refurbished PC end up in the boot of my car.I had done him a few favours in the past and we got on well.That PC sat in my spare bedroom and was well used until we had to give over the room to my granddaughter who needed a roof over her head and I subsequently "forgot" a lot of stuff.Now since chatting to a couple of numptyheids(you know who you are)not Let's of course I have had to try and look as if I know what I am doing and basically making an arse of myself.Do I give a fuck? Not one tiny bit.Just felt like sharing all that with you.Sorry if it was boring.

Hi Just,Why don't you go see your GP😀😀

Right,my real new device: This tablet is hanging on by the skin of it's teeth so about a month to 6 weeks ago I decided I would buy myself a laptop.I started looking in Amazon for one and decided to get an Asus x441A which was around £200 but me being me I was on Amazon.com instead of Amazon.co.uk and the fucking thing was coming from Indiana.Anyway it arrived and I decided to set it up(me!!!!!!!)all the usual guff plus I installed Google Chrome(it had Windows 10).I started to use it and was coping as well as you would expect of me until I realised(1) it was noisy after a while and (2) it was heating up and I wasn't liking this.To spare you any more details I got one of the kids to clear everything out,repackaged it,got Fede-Ex to courier it back to Indiana(cost me £42).That's what I get for being a fucking idiot and logging onto the wrong Amazon.I now know that to get a decent laptop is way over what I can afford. So now I have a new tablet(I know Rob)but probably more sensible knowing my limitations.It's a Huawei Mediatab T5,so it's up and running now.For all that I fucked up I learned stuff from the experience albeit an expensive one.The funny thing is Margaret was cool with my expensive blunder.I just wonder if there is some household"nasty"waiting for me,women's Wiles and all that.!!!!

Right,my new device: When it arrived I checked the contents list and to my horror in the music section Sponge Bob and Wheels on the Bus were not included and in the audio section Humpty Dumpty and Hickory Dickory Dock were not included.😀.So I sent off a nasty e-mail to Toys R us letting them know how angry I was.They replied apologising profusely saying they would re-send a new device.😀😀😀😀

Thanks for going easy on Scotland pal.😀 No doubt Laurie the Lorry won't be so magnanimous!!😀

It's a long story so you can look forward to reading all about it tomorrow.

BTW I'm just about to attempt to log on to CC on my new device so if I disappear off into the ether you will know what happened😀

yeh it's not a bang on oxymoron,in fact it's not a fucking oxymoron at all. just ignore me and I will go away😀😀

A wee bit oxymoron action there pal?😀

I don't think your dear Grandmother would like your new avatar pal if you know what I mean. Here's what I think:Your new thingy doesn't represent who and what you really are: You're an Oracle,professorial,a Font of Knowledge,calm,clever,intelligent,funny.😀👍👍 How about The Thinker as an avatar😀 PS:Will you lend me 20 bucks for my bus fare to the pub😀😀😀😀

My resolution for 2020 is to continue using CC as a tool to befriend,exchange info,have fun,learn and listen to other people,to not criticise people and situations I know absolutely nothing about,but most of all still keep my health,personal life,family and friends as strictly my number one priority. To any members who have"problems "I hope you receive the assistance you require. A Happy new year to all👍 PS Oh nearly forgot!!!Ash, gonna get a ring and a wee addition sometime soon👍👍👍👍👍

Ok buddy here goes: Tom=Cat Jerry=Mouse(I know you know) Mouse in Norwegian can be Pussy(see Noldus's post) Tom and Tom yes/no!!!!!.

Does that mean that "Tom and Jerry" in Norway is "Tom and Tom"😀😀😀😀

Happy new year Waldi, Are you using the correct key?😀😀😀

Morning pal,did you have a quiet night then.? CC,VH,you gotta be kidding,Margaret and I are up to our eyes making steak pies plus all the bits for 11 of our family.Certainly not complaining though. Right,back to peeling spuds,may be on much later today. Have a good day bud.👍

Happy new year Ash😘 Want me to come over and have a swift word in his ear😏 I could meet up with Guy in Intercourse Penn.and ask him what the F*** are you thinking about man!!