Jokes #1

[Dave 27]

Vincent Van Gogh is sitting in his local bar having a pint one day when his pal walked and said Hey Vince would you like a drink and Vince said no thanks I've got one ere.😀

[Dave 27]

A guy and a giraffe go into a pub for a drink and the guy says to the barman can I have a pint of lager for myself and one for the giraffe.After hours of drinking the guy and the giraffe are absolutely steamin drunk and the barman says right you two,out you have had enough.As the guy staggers out the door the giraffe collapses on the floor.The barman shouts to the guy Hey you can't leave that Lyin their to which the guy replied that's not a lion that's a giraffe.😀

[Dave 27]

21 hours ago, Dave 27 said:

A guy and a giraffe go into a pub for a drink and the guy says to the barman can I have a pint of lager for myself and one for the giraffe.After hours of drinking the guy and the giraffe are absolutely steamin drunk and the barman says right you two,out you have had enough.As the guy staggers out the door the giraffe collapses on the floor.The barman shouts to the guy Hey you can't leave that Lyin their to which the guy replied that's not a lion that's a giraffe.😀

Cheers for your reaction Let's.Thank goodness somebody recognises top of the range humour😀😀😀😀NOT

[letsdothis]

Oh, so you want top-of-the-range humor, do ya?

What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?

 

A pink carnation.

Now, that's top-of-the-range humor. 🤣🤣🤣

[Dave 27]

4 hours ago, letsdothis said:

Oh, so you want top-of-the-range humor, do ya?

What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?

Good one Let's but not as good as mine HaHa😀😀

 

 

 

 

A pink carnation.

Now, that's top-of-the-range humor. 🤣🤣🤣

 

[Dave 27]

A guy goes to the doctor to get treatment for his piles.The doctor gave him meds to take three times a day for a week and go back and see him.He goes back to the doctor who asks him how he is doing and the guy says for all the the good the meds did I would have been as well sticking them up my arse.😀

[letsdothis]

During a recent password audit by a company, they found that one
employee was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento".

So, when they asked why she had such a long password, she just
rolled her eyes at them and said, "Hello! It says it has to be at least
eight characters long, with at least one capital."

[Dave 27]

4 hours ago, letsdothis said:

During a recent password audit by a company, they found that one
employee was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento".

So, when they asked why she had such a long password, she just
rolled her eyes at them and said, "Hello! It says it has to be at least
eight characters long, with at least one capital."

HaHa luv it Let's😀😀

[Dave 27]

Patient:Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I am a pair of curtains

Doctor:Oh come on pull yourself together😀

[StnCld316]

A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc that his penis has turned orange.

The doctor looks at it and says, “I haven’t ever seen any thing like this before in my entire medical career. What do you do for a living? Do you work around any hazardous materials?” The man says no.

The doctor asks the man what he does all day. The man responds, “Nothing.” The doctor is really puzzled now and says, “You can't do anything. What do you do at home all day?”

The man replies, “Honestly, doc I don’t do anything. I just sit around, watch porno flicks and eat Cheetos.”

[StnCld316]

A young couple on their wedding night were in the honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers," she said. "That's right", said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship." With that she flipped her knickers and said, "Try these on," He tried them on and found he could only get them as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. "I can't get into your knickers!". She replied, "That's right..... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

[Robwin]

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough." The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself.