Jokes #1

[Robwin]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

[Robwin]

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

[Robwin]

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".
His teacher replies "NO"
Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
She again says "NO".
"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"
Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either"

[letsdothis]

How many bones in the human hand?

 

Just a handful.

[Dave 27]

Rastus:Hey Lulu-belle is that you new boyfriend

lulu-belle:It sure is.Thats Rambuie.

Rastus:Ain't that some kind of fancy liquor

Lulu-belle:That's my boy

 

[Thestarider]

[letsdothis]

Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

 

They don’t meet the koalafications.

[letsdothis]

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

 

A labracadabrador.

[letsdothis]

What’s the difference between a bird and a fly?

 

A bird can fly, but a fly can’t bird.

[letsdothis]

Man: "Do you know how much it costs to rent a church singing group?

Priest: "My son, do you mean a choir?"

Man: "Fine, Father, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?"

[letsdothis]

Upon arrival at the tree, the lumberjack started to swing his axe when
the tree suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack grinned and said, “And you will dialogue!”

[letsdothis]