Slender Man Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 On 11/2/2020 at 7:50 PM, StarLight28 said: @Slender Man In the last few jokes you don't send text but "pictures with internal text". ☹️ Text in pictures CANNOT be translated - a shame. Can you please change that ??? No problem. Will do jokes in text form from now on. 👍 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slender Man Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamoured with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Angrily, she says no and gets off at the next stop. The man then goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with a nun. "Well," says the bus driver. "Every night at 8 o'clock she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you. The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" She exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun she must first have sex to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down an dirty, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha,ha! I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha,ha!" Says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!" 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slender Man Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 The day my son told me he was gay, I turned my back on him. That was my first mistake. My grandad said "It's going to be horrendous on the roads this weekend, snow is forecast." "Tell me something I don't know." I replied. "I can get my whole fist up your Nanna's arse." He said. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slender Man Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 A 65 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to the bingo. Everyone was curious and asked her, "why the change in your interest?" The lady with a look of helplessness replied, "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarell with each other my daughter-in-law always asks my son, "if your mom and I fall into water, which one would you save first?" So, because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, I am learning to swim!" A few days later, her son and his wife were arguing, and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked, "Now tell me! If your mom and I were to fall into water, who would you save first?" The husband replied, "I don't need to get in the water. My mom knows how to swim, she will save you." The wife refuses to relent, "No, you have to jump in the water, and have to save one of us. Which one will it BE?" Husband replies, "Well, I'm sorry to say you'll die anyway because I don't know how to swim, and my mom will definitely save me first!" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slender Man Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Thai man are all hired at a construction site. The foreman points at a huge pile of sand and says to the large, muscular Scotsman, "You're in charge of shoveling." To the less muscular but still large Italian man, "You're in charge of sweeping." And to the Thai man he says, "You're in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a reasonable dent in that pile of sand." Some the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He spots the the Italian and asks, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" He replies, I no have a broom, you saida to the Thai guy that he wasa ina charge of suppliers, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." The foreman shouts the Scotsman over and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." He replied, "Aye, ye did lad, but ah couldnae git masel a shuvil! Ye left thon wee Thai mannie in chairge of supplies, bit ah couldnae fin the bugger onywhar." The foreman is really pissed off now and storms off towards the pile of sand to look for the Thai guy. As he approaches the mound, the Thai guy leaps out from behind the sand and yells... "SUPPLIES!" 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slender Man Posted November 25, 2020 Share Posted November 25, 2020 A man goes into the bar at the airport and asks the bartender what the password is to the WiFi. Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Man: Okay, I'll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi ok? Man: Sure.. How much is that? Bartender: $4 Man: There you go. So, what's the WiFi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyChappie Posted December 2, 2020 Share Posted December 2, 2020 A burglar entered a bedroom, tied up the husband and wife, kissed the wife's ear and went to the bathroom... The husband said to the wife "satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love you" Wife said "he didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear that he is gay, he needs vaseline and i told him it's in the bathroom. So be strong, I love you too". 🙂 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave 27 Posted December 3, 2020 Share Posted December 3, 2020 On 11/25/2020 at 6:09 AM, Slender Man said: An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Thai man are all hired at a construction site. The foreman points at a huge pile of sand and says to the large, muscular Scotsman, "You're in charge of shoveling." To the less muscular but still large Italian man, "You're in charge of sweeping." And to the Thai man he says, "You're in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a reasonable dent in that pile of sand." Some the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He spots the the Italian and asks, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" He replies, I no have a broom, you saida to the Thai guy that he wasa ina charge of suppliers, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." The foreman shouts the Scotsman over and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." He replied, "Aye, ye did lad, but ah couldnae git masel a shuvil! Ye left thon wee Thai mannie in chairge of supplies, bit ah couldnae fin the bugger onywhar." The foreman is really pissed off now and storms off towards the pile of sand to look for the Thai guy. As he approaches the mound, the Thai guy leaps out from behind the sand and yells... "SUPPLIES!" Good job with the Scots accent Slender👍👍😁 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyChappie Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 Life is a lot like a penis. Simple, soft, straight and hanging freely. Then a woman comes along and makes it hard. 🙂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexandria Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 What's the most disappointing thing for a man on Christmas morning? When he gets a sweater, but he's hoping for a screamer or a moaner. I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come... Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left. 😂 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexandria Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 Rudolph the well hung reindeer, had a great enormous cock. All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock. All of the female reindeers had pussies that were just too small. Poor old well hung Rudolph, could not get any sex at all. Then one horny Christmas Eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong..... Fuck my arsehole all night long!" Then all the reindeer loved him, a few of them were heard to say, "Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay." 😂 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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