pulo filipe Posted March 17, 2022 Share Posted March 17, 2022 A couple is in bed, about to sleep. The husband begins to caress the wife. She goes back to him and says: - I'm sorry, honey, but tomorrow I have an appointment with the gynecologist and I want to be clean. The rejected husband turns to the side. A few minutes later he turns again and caresses the woman again, saying: - Do you have a dentist appointment too? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 The boy was beaten by the neighbor, and the furious mother went to take satisfaction: Why did you hit my son? He was rude, and called me fat. And do you think you'll lose weight by hitting him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 A guy went to the police station and said: - I came to file a complaint, because my mother-in-law disappeared. The delegate said: - How long has she disappeared? "Two weeks," replied the son-in-law. - And only now are you talking to me? - It's just that I found it hard to believe that I was so lucky! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted March 19, 2022 Share Posted March 19, 2022 The mother-in-law stopped by her daughter's house after shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened?" she asked anxiously. "What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife --- your daughter --- telling her I was coming home a day early from my fishing trip. I got home... and guess what I found? Your daughter in bed with a naked guy! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" "Calm down, calm down!" said his mother-in-law. "There's something very odd about that. She would never do such a thing. There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her and find out what happened." A few minutes later, the mother-in-law came back with a big smile and said, "I told you there had to be a simple explanation --- she didn't get your email." 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted March 19, 2022 Share Posted March 19, 2022 A man meets his friend on the street and says: - Dude, you are just like my mother-in-law, the only difference is the mustache! The friend says: - But I don't have a mustache!? - But my mother-in-law does! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted March 20, 2022 Share Posted March 20, 2022 An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in “Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!” “All of them?” he asks, putting down his rifle. “No, only one.” He starts cleaning the rifle again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted March 20, 2022 Share Posted March 20, 2022 Putin: There’s a lot less Ukrainian soldiers surrendering than I expected. Putin’s stooge: It’s fewer, Mr. President. Putin: Don’t call me that. Yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted March 20, 2022 Share Posted March 20, 2022 There are some Russian soldiers marching They hear a voice shout from over a hill, “I bet one Ukrainian can beat ten Russians!” The Russian sergeant, thinking that it would be easy, sent ten men over the hill to fight. They heard a fighting and noise. No Russian soldiers came back. After a minute, they heard the voice again, “I bet 1 Ukrainian can beat 100 Russians!” The sergeant, getting more annoyed now, decided to send some of his men over, to finish this Ukrainian off. After a while of noise and bangs, no Russian soldiers came back, and the voice shouted again, “I bet 1 Ukrainian can beat 1000 Russians!” The sergeant, thinking that 1 soldier could not possibly beat 1000, sent his troops over. Again, there was lots of noise, but then, silence. 1 Russian soldier returned this time, bloody and bruised, barely walking. The soldier said: “Don’t send any more men over; there’s actually 2 Ukrainians.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted March 20, 2022 Share Posted March 20, 2022 Putin consulted with a fortune-teller The fortune-teller predicted that Putin would die on a Ukrainian holiday. Putin asks: "Which one?" To which the fortune-teller responded, “Whenever you die, it will be a Ukrainian holiday!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted March 20, 2022 Share Posted March 20, 2022 A Dutch man and a German meet in a bar in Amsterdam. They drink too much jenever and at some point the Dutch man says to the German: I am the son of God and I can prove it! Ok, says the German, prove it! They walk to the red-light district and the Dutch guy knocks on the first window they see. The prostitute says: Jesus Christ, here again?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted March 21, 2022 Share Posted March 21, 2022 A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted March 21, 2022 Share Posted March 21, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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