Jokes #3

[letsdothis]

Chickens: the only animals you eat before they’re born and after they’re dead.

[letsdothis]

I’m not a big fan of shopping centers. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.

[letsdothis]

My friend’s going to attempt a world record for the world’s longest wank. I think he might just pull it off.

[letsdothis]

There’s a fine line between hyphenated words.

[letsdothis]

I was looking at smoking pipes online when I realised that my boss could check my history and make me do a drugs test. So I Googled Sherlock Holmes hats.

[letsdothis]

My favorite childhood memory is building sand castles with my grandfather...

Until my mother took the urn from me.

[Aussie_oi_oi]

[Aussie_oi_oi]

Joke of the day 😉

Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.
The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal."
The second one said, "That's nothing. My Daddy can eat six."
Little Johnny starts laughing and says, "My Daddy can eat light bulbs." The other two boys tell Johnny that he is absolutely crazy. They ask him why he thinks His daddy can eat light bulbs. Little Johnny replies, "Last night I was passing my parents room and my Daddy said, 'Honey, turn out that light I want to eat that thing.'" 😉

[Aussie_oi_oi]

Joke of the day 😉  

A  Pervert calls......
The telephone rings, and the wife answers.
A pervert with heavy breathing, says,
"I bet you have a tight ass, with no hair."
Woman replies,
"Yes, he's watching TV - whom shall I say is calling?"  😉

[Aussie_oi_oi]

Joke of the day 😉

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Hello, I would like to be castrated."
"That's a lifechanging operation," says the doctor. "Are you sure you want to do it?"
"yes," says the man. "and if you refuse I'll go to another doctor."
"OK," says the doctor, "but it's against my advice."
So the man has his operation and he's walking around the hospital the next day with a bandage around his private area. Suddenly, he sees another man with the same thing. So he walks up to him and says, "Good afternoon, I see we got the same operation."
"Yes," says the other man, looking happy. "I've been wanting to get circumsized for 37 years, and I've finally done it."
The first man looks panicked and says, "Shit!! That's the word!" 😉

[Aussie_oi_oi]

Joke of the day 😉

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.
I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up to her ass. You know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.
"Hello?" the woman says. God, she sounded sexy.
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring all your implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.We'll go hot and heavy all night Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"
She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9." 😉

[Aussie_oi_oi]

Joke of the day 😉

Farmer John Callahan lived on a quiet rural highway. But as time went by,
the traffic slowly built up and became so heavy and so fast
that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the local police station and said, "You've got to
do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing my chickens."
"What do you want us to do?" asked the policeman. 
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" 
So the next day the policeman had the Main Road workers 
go out erect a sign that said: 
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING 
Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said, 
"You've got to do something about these drivers. The school 
crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster!" 
So, again, the policeman sends out the Main Roads workers 
and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY 
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and
called and called every day for three weeks. 
Finally, he asked the policeman, "Your signs are doing no
good at all ... can I put up my own sign?"
The policeman said, "Sure, go ahead." 
He was willing to let Farmer John do just about anything
in order to get him to stop calling to complain. 
The policeman got no more calls from Farmer John. 
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the policeman
and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the 
problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did, replied Farmer John, and not one chicken 
has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." 
He hung up the phone.
The policeman was really curious and he thought to himself,
"I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign, it might
be something that WE could use to slow down drivers." 
So he drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped 
the moment he saw the sign.
It was spray painted on a sheet of wood.... 
NUDIST COLONY 
Go slow and watch out for chicks! 😉