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Jokes #3


albundy1089

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1 hour ago, letsdothis said:

The other day, I bought a new GPS for old, angry people.

It tells other people where to go!

lol..Years ago my wife was my Gps instrument long before the real gps instruments were around,only problem was that she had only one place she told me to go.   

                                                              in hell fire GIF by GIPHY Studios Originals   

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Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

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Joke of the day

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King's chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a
little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident,
Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if
applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests
had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to
cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their
chambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching
powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and
hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his
payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.
The moral of the story - Pay your doctor bills properly!!! 😉

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Joke of the day

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:

Officer: What's 2 + 2?

Blonde: Ummm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

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Joke of the day

A New York attorney representing a very wealthy art collector called

and asked to speak to his client.

"Mr. O’Toole, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so

let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed

me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that

she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million ... and I think she could be right."

The collector replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary.”

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