letsdothis Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 The other day, I bought a new GPS for old, angry people. It tells other people where to go! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 Hard of Hearing Her: Could you loan me ten dollars, please? Him: What did you say? Her (a bit louder): Could you loan me twenty dollars, please? Him: I thought you asked for ten! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARMY SNIPER Posted October 23, 2021 Share Posted October 23, 2021 1 hour ago, letsdothis said: The other day, I bought a new GPS for old, angry people. It tells other people where to go! lol..Years ago my wife was my Gps instrument long before the real gps instruments were around,only problem was that she had only one place she told me to go. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared." The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albundy1089 Posted October 26, 2021 Author Share Posted October 26, 2021 f you ever feel like your job has no purpose, always remember this; Right now, there is someone who is installing a turn signal in a BMW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Guyquad Posted October 29, 2021 Share Posted October 29, 2021 I went to watch Adele in concert and it was such a rip off, the shortest concert i've ever known. She walked out, sang the first line, and it was over. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARMY SNIPER Posted October 29, 2021 Share Posted October 29, 2021 1 hour ago, Slipper Guyquad said: I went to watch Adele in concert and it was such a rip off, the shortest concert i've ever known. She walked out, sang the first line, and it was over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted October 29, 2021 Share Posted October 29, 2021 Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted October 30, 2021 Share Posted October 30, 2021 Joke of the day Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost. The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick. The moral of the story - Pay your doctor bills properly!!! 😉 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 1, 2021 Share Posted November 1, 2021 Joke of the day A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions: Officer: What's 2 + 2? Blonde: Ummm... 4! Officer: What's the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummm... 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummm... I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!" 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 Joke of the day A New York attorney representing a very wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client. "Mr. O’Toole, I have some good news and I have some bad news." The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first." The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million ... and I think she could be right." The collector replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it? The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary.” 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 2, 2021 Share Posted November 2, 2021 My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts