letsdothis Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 Joke of the day 😉 Grandma is 88 years old and still drives her own car. She writes to her Grand-daughter... Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker... I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper... Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!' 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must've been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably an Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!! Will write again soon, Love, Grandma 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 Joke of the day Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. The brunette says, "What is going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs , One of the blondes says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 The psychoanalyst: What’s wrong with your brother? The sister: He thinks he is a chicken. The psychoanalyst: And since when has he been behaving like a chicken? The sister: [It’s been] three years now. We would have liked to come earlier, but we needed the eggs… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARMY SNIPER Posted November 19, 2021 Share Posted November 19, 2021 5 hours ago, Aussie_oi_oi said: Joke of the day Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. The brunette says, "What is going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs , One of the blondes says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!" blonde moment! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 Joke of the day INDIAN WINTER It's late fall and the Indians on the Northern Cheyanne Indian Reservation in Montana asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old ways. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He got on the phone and called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.' The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.' 'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked. The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood.' 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 21, 2021 Share Posted November 21, 2021 At school, the teacher says to Toto: – What is a sheep [good] for? – To give us wool, Miss. [literally, “miss teacher”]. – What is a hen good for? – To give us eggs, Miss. – What is a cow for? – To give us homework, Miss. (“une vache” is a mild slang word to describe a woman who is strict and tough.) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 SHERIFF: Miss Morgendorfer, I thought I told you that I didn't want to see your face in my station again? MISS MORGENDOFER: Well, that's what I told the officer who arrested me, but she didn't want to listen, so here I am. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 Joke of the day A couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said. The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday. After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any p"""c hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself." So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?" "No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?" "Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department. The girl finished her bath and went to bed. Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?" "Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours." "Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before." "I know," he said.... "but the bloody darts team hadn't! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARMY SNIPER Posted November 23, 2021 Share Posted November 23, 2021 8 hours ago, Aussie_oi_oi said: Joke of the day A couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said. The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday. After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any p"""c hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself." So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?" "No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?" "Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department. The girl finished her bath and went to bed. Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?" "Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours." "Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before." "I know," he said.... "but the bloody darts team hadn't! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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