letsdothis Posted November 24, 2021 Share Posted November 24, 2021 A friend of mine always helps me with maps and diagrams, pointing out all the little symbols and what they mean... The guy is a legend! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted November 24, 2021 Share Posted November 24, 2021 My wife yelled from the bedroom, asking, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you, and they’re stabbing it?” I replied, “No.” She yelled back, "What about now?" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave 27 Posted November 25, 2021 Share Posted November 25, 2021 A guy sitting in the pub having a drink when suddenly the peanuts on the bar😂 said to him"your a very smartly dressed young man", the guy was totally unnerved and moved away from the bar. He was now sat next to the cigarette machine when all of a sudden the machine started hurling really vile abuse at him.He thought I'm going to speak to the landlord about this so up he went to the bar to report what had happened. The landlord said"the peanuts are complimentary but the cigarette machine is out of order"😂 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted November 25, 2021 Share Posted November 25, 2021 A guy was sitting at the bar with 10 full shot glasses. Another Bar Patron walks in and sits next to him and he asks him if he's celebrating a special occasion, the guy says yes I am, I am celebrating my first blow job. The other guys congratulates him and offers to buy him another shot. The guy says no thanks, if the first 10 shots don't get the taste out of my mouth another shot won't. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 25, 2021 Share Posted November 25, 2021 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 26, 2021 Share Posted November 26, 2021 Joke of the day A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The missus got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much ?" "I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...." 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 26, 2021 Share Posted November 26, 2021 Joke of the day 😉 I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license... and all just because of a stupid police officer... The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car: Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!" Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything." Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?" Me: "A car." Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?" Me:"I have no idea!" Officer:"So, you're drunk." Me:"But I didn't drink anything." Officer:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it? Me:"A motorcycle." Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?" Me:"I have no idea!" Officer:"As I suspected, you're drunk!" Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question. Me:"So..., counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?" Officer:"A prostitute of course." Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?" Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted November 26, 2021 Share Posted November 26, 2021 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARMY SNIPER Posted November 26, 2021 Share Posted November 26, 2021 2 hours ago, Aussie_oi_oi said: Joke of the day A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The missus got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much ?" "I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 26, 2021 Share Posted November 26, 2021 Manuel is taking a shower, and shouts to Maria: Hey Maria, bring me a shampoo And Maria hands him the shampoo Soon after, he yells again: Hey Maria, bring me another shampoo. But I already gave you one just now, man! It's just that here it says it's for dry hair, and I've already wet mine. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 26, 2021 Share Posted November 26, 2021 Two little tomatoes were going to cross the street, and one said to the other: -Careful, a car is coming! The other didn't hear anything and crossed over. The car went over him and the other said: – It's not a tomato anymore, it's ketchup! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pulo filipe Posted November 26, 2021 Share Posted November 26, 2021 I went to the cafe and asked if the savory was from today. – No, it's from yesterday. – And how do I eat today's? - Come back tomorrow! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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