Aussie_oi_oi

Joke of the day Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'" "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said!

Fuck that's funny Chris

Chris list. 1/ Right hand 2/ Right hand 3/ Right hand 😁

Joke of the day A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes down stairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when you father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years". "I remember that too", she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

Sorry SG, I don't understand what you are trying to say.

Joke of the day It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Joke of the day An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves. The lad asked, "What is this, father?" The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls. The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out. The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

Joke of the day Two managers are going over their budget for the next year. After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane. They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that they should lay off the first person who gets up from their desk. In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water. One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane. Manager, "Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..." Jane, "Well, jack-off. I've got a headache."

The words of this song could be about Leora.

Three nuns die and go to heaven. They are greeted by St Peter, who informs them that everyone entering heaven must pass an intelligence test, but since they were nuns and had devoted their lives to Jesus, the questions would be really easy. St Peter turned to the first nun and said, “Name three of Jesus’ disciples.” “Oh that’s easy,” the first nun replied, “Matthew, John, and James.” The bells rang and the lights flashed and the pearly gates opened and the first nun entered. St Peter turned to the second nun and asked, “Who was Moses?” The nun confidently replies, “Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt into the promised land.” The bells rang and the lights flashed and the pearly gates opened a second time and the second nun entered. Finally, St Peter addresses the third nun. “What was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?” The third nun paused for a moment and muttered, “Gosh, that’s a hard one.” And the bells rang and the lights flashed and the pearly gates opened.

Joke of the day A major international company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search Down to three people from different parts of the world. In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours and the one with the best answer would get the job. The question was: "A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back. What is the man's name?" After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers. The first, from the USA , says "My answer is, there IS no answer." The second, from England, says "My answer is that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given." The third one, from Australia, says "I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names. It's either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer?" The Australian got the job.

Time for a Australian Classic

Thanks for the update

Joke of the day The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack. 'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?' Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?' The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome .' In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them. Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?' The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe . 'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr.. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?' The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.' The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting...... 'Grumpy shagged a penguin!' 'Grumpy shagged a penguin."

Joke of the day 😉 A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, "Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?" "NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking. The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, "Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back." "NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street. The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says, "Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride." Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out... "Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley ...YOU RIDE IT!!"

Joke of the day A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, Mariah.... have you ever had any contact with a male naughty organ? She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well i once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger. He says 'Okay dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gates. He ask the next girl the same question. She says 'Well i once fondled and stroked one.' He says 'Okay dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gates. ' All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One pushes her way to the front of the line When she gets there he asks, 'Tami, what seems to be the rush?' She says 'If I'm going to have to gargle that holy water I want to do it before Natalie sticks her ass in it.'

Joke of the day 😉 Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Russ didn't show up. Fred didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Fred really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Fred didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Fred figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Fred approached the park and-- lo and behold!--there sat Russ! Fred was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?' Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.' 'Jail!' cried Fred. What in the world for?' 'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes go?' 'Yeah,' said Fred, 'I remember her. What about her? 'Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'. 'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.' 😉

Great, one less male 🤣

Joke of the day Deaf Sex Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution. She writes a note to her husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. I f you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times. The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife that if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.

Just to Help – A Do It Yourself COVID Test 1. Pour a glass of wine and smell it 2. If you can smell it, then taste it 3. If you can both smell it and taste it, you do not have the COVID virus Just to test it out, I did the test 19 times last evening and, thank God, all the tests were negative. But I'll have to repeat them today, as I woke up with a headache and a bit disoriented this morning.

Gee Dennis, please stop bating under the sheets. Leora will need to wash them....

OMG, hoping Dennis isn't bating, bloody hell that's not what the Koala needs to see!!!

the thing about Radi she can't act.

I think you understand his types by now. It's been pretty interesting to watch in my opinion.