Aussie_oi_oi

Joke of the day 😉 A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. - 'My darling,' he whispers, 'I know dis you first time and you berry frighten. I promise you, I give you anything you want, I do anything - just anything you want.. You just ask.. Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, - 'I want to try someting I have hear about from odda girls... Numbaa 69.' More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her..... - 'You want...... Garlic Chicken wif snow peas? 😉

Joke of the day 😉 John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come." 😉

Joke of the day 😉 It's the spring of 1957 and Rob/Bob goes to pick up his date, Angie Bartels . Rob/Bob is a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Angies father answers and invites him in. 'Angie is not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says. 'That's cool.' says Rob/Bob Angie ''s father asks Rob/Bob what they are planning to do. Rob/Bob replies politely that they will probably just go to the mall shop or go to a drive-in movie. Angies father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.' Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Rob/Bob and he says, 'Whaaaat?' 'Yeah,' says Angies father, 'Angie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!' Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Angie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!' About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Angie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!' 😉

Joke of the day 😉 Rakesh is 33 years old and still single. One day, a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Rakesh replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution. Just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later, they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Rakesh answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Rakesh replied, "Now my father doesn't like her."🤣

Joke of the day 😉 A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, Jervis, the night off. She said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would enjoy his evening. The wife wasn't having a good time at the party. So, she came home early, alone. Her husband stayed on, socializing with important clients. As the woman walked into her house, she found Jervis by himself in the dining room. She called him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She turned to him and said, in the voice she knew he must obey, "Jervis, I want you to take off my dress." This he did, hanging it carefully over a chair. "Jervis," she continued, "now take off my stockings and garter belt." Again, Jervis silently obeyed. "Now, Jervis, I want you to remove my bra and panties." Eyes downcast, Jervis obeyed. Both were breathing heavily, the tension mounting between them. She looked sternly at him and said, "Jervis, if I ever catch you wearing my stuff again, you're fired!" 😉

With Leora 😁

Wondering if Leora will show that wonderful ass in doggy again.

Damn step out for a few minutes and a bloody wet blanket arrives home and stuffs up Leora's sexy time. grrrr

All the better to insert a Mr Koala butt plug

Leora looks very pretty in that brown top.

Oh Gregg you're a sick puppy 🤣

With Mr Koala butt plug

Leora is trying to get skin cancer from sunburn.

Very true, she has those motherly instincts.

Good news he came to stay with a dog.

Joke of the day 😉 A skinny young fella with a face full of rings and spikes through his eyebrow, nose and lip, applies for a job with a Captain of a fishing boat. The Captain is doubtful but the young fella is very sincere and pleads that he really needs the job, and he's a hard worker, reliable and honest. So the Captain gives him the job as a deckhand. On the first trip out, it was rough seas, and the First Mate was keeping an eye on the new guy swabbing the deck. All of a sudden a big wave crashes over the deck and sweeps the young fella overboard. After a few minutes, the First Mate realises that the Captain must have missed it and went to the wheelhouse to tell him about it. First Mate: Hey Captain, you know that young fella who said he really needed this job and was a hard worker, reliable and honest? Captain: Yeah, what about him? First Mate: He just took off and stole your mop!

Joke of the day 😉 Best Friend A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he's okay. "No, I'm not," the guy replies. "I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend." "Well," asks the bartender, "what did you say to your wife?" "Nothing. I'm not speaking to that bitch anymore." "Well, what did you say to your best friend?" "BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

Joke of the day 😉 Wife's Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, I love you, too. When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. Husband's Diary: A one-foot putt.. Who the f**k misses a one-foot putt?

Joke of the day 😉 Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.' The man from England fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said. 'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. The man from New Zealand reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'. The Australian started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?' The Aussie replied, 'These are Carols.' And So The Christmas Season begins

Joke of the day 😉 TEN (10) THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU 1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips. 4) You just attempted to do it. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5. 😎 You just checked to see if there is a No. 5. 9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too. 10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it. Have a great Day. Laugh, growing old is a privilege denied to many."

Joke of the day 😉 A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain!" "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..." "But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Joke of the day 😉 A piece of string walks into a bar (yeah, it walks ok). Slides up onto a bar stool & hollers 'barkeep, 1 beer please' A piece of string working behind the bar comes over & says "I can't serve you, you're a piece of string' The 1st piece of a string looks the other up & down & says 'wtf' you're a piece of string too, you have to serve me! The barkeep string replies 'no, Ima Frayd Knot'

Joke of the day 😉 Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.'Was the other Indian crazy or what?' The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indianmen see cave, they holler'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us. Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered,'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Immediately, there was the answer. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening. The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking,'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!' He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!' With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran. The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read................ NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!