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Jokes #1


jblak

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Q; Whats the difference between Australian girls and Iranian girls

A; Australian girls get stoned before they have sex

 

A catholic priest wakes up in hospital on a trolley bed being pushed through the wards

after having a heart attack, " Am I in Heaven he asks". "No said the nurse, we're just taking

a short cut through the children's ward."

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Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak at the knees, and he begins to think irrationally? Ever wonder why?

It's because she smells like a new truck.

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A man and woman, who are both married to other people, find themselves forced to share a hotel room for a night. They feel weird at first, but they both fall asleep in their separate beds.

After a few hours of sleeping, the man wakes the woman up and asks her, " Could you grab me another blanket from the closet? I'm really cold."

The woman responds, " Or we could just pretend to be married for the night? "

The man replies, " That would be amazing."

The woman smiles and says, " Okay. Get your own fucking blanket! "

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  • 7 months later...

The night before a dentist appointment, a man performs cunnilingus on his girlfriend. The next morning, worried about the dentist smelling his foul breath, he brushes his teeth three times and rinses with mouthwash twice.

After arriving for his appointment, the dentist begins checking his teeth and immediately says, “You ate out your girlfriend last night, didn’t you?”

The man, completely astonished, exclaims, “How can you tell? I took extra precautions to make sure my breath smelled great, I even brushed my teeth three times and rinsed with mouthwash twice. Is the smell really still there?”

The dentist replies, “Well, your breath smells fine. But your forehead smells like ass.”

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  • 4 weeks later...

The producers of "Survivor" have asked Yoko Ono to star in the next series.

They reckon she will do very well seeing she has been living off one dead beatle for the last 40 yrs

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  • 8 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...
2 hours ago, letsdothis said:

OK, call me dense, but I don't get it. How do you wash your hands
in a bison? 😕

Hi confused Let's,Not knowing whereabouts you live I thought this might cause a problem for a few.Ok here we go,using a little change of accent Bison can become basin,get it.Now if I was any good with I.T. I would be able to add an appropriate picture or emoji.It really bugs me that I can't.Any help will be greatly received.👍

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4 hours ago, Dave 27 said:

Hi confused Let's,Not knowing whereabouts you live I thought this might cause a problem for a few.Ok here we go,using a little change of accent Bison can become basin,get it.Now if I was any good with I.T. I would be able to add an appropriate picture or emoji.It really bugs me that I can't.Any help will be greatly received.👍

And, I can just hear that Scottish accent making it sound like an "a"
instead of an "i". 😊👍 Thanks.

I think I can help you with posting media, but it will have to be later
in the afternoon. Must sleep now. I sleep during the day. I'm in the
Eastern time zone in the US.

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11 hours ago, Dave 27 said:

Hi confused Let's,Not knowing whereabouts you live I thought this might cause a problem for a few.Ok here we go,using a little change of accent Bison can become basin,get it.Now if I was any good with I.T. I would be able to add an appropriate picture or emoji.It really bugs me that I can't.Any help will be greatly received.👍

Where are you looking to Post Pictures at. Each Part of the Forum has different determinations as to Posting.

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