TBG 150 Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 That's gross. This teenager goes to his dad and say's, Daddy Daddy, I got my first blow job today. His Daddy say's, Really, well son how do you like it? The kid spits and say's I'll never do that again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 Three ways to know that you're using a Redneck's computer: 3) the password is,"bubba." 2) the mouse is known as the critter. 1) the CD ROM Drive was used to hold their beer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and heagreed to take the test. Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Harry: '9.' Principal: 'What is6 x 6?' Harry: '36.' And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.' Ms. Brooks says to the principal,'Let me ask him some questions.' The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?' Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.' Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?' The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: 'Pockets.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?' Harry: 'Pants.' Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?' Harry: 'Coconut.' The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?' The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied,'Bubble gum.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?' Harry: 'Shake hands.' The principal was trembling.. Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?' Harry: 'Firetruck.' The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pirate Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Wife goes for her annual check up. Doctor - Everything looks good. Is there anything else you want to discuss? Wife, rather embarrassed - Yes doctor, Dave has taken a liking to anal sex. Doctor, OK, does it hurt? Wife - How the fuck would I know, I just wash the carrots for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pirate Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Old man comes home finds his wife naked admiring herself in front of the mirror. Old man - What are you doing? Wife - Had my check up today, doctor said I have the breasts and legs of an 18 year old girl. Old man - Is that right? Wife - Yep, and the body of a 20 year old women. Old man - Is that so, what did he say about your 65 year old cunt? Wife - Not much, just wanted to know how you were going after your knee operation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pirate Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 "Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor. It lands butter-side-up. He looks at what he has done in astonishment, for he knows it’s a law of nature That buttered toast always falls butter-down. He rushes round to the presbytery to fetch the priest. He tells the priest that he thinks a miracle has happened round at his flat. He won’t say what it is but wants Fr Flannagan to see it with his own eyes. He brings Fr Flannagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor. “Well,” says the priest, “it’s pretty obvious what we have here. Someone dropped some buttered toast, and then for some reason flipped it over so that the butter was on top.” “No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that..” “Well,” Fr Flannagan says, “it’s certainly a natural law of the universe that dropped toast never falls butter side up. But it’s not for me to say it’s a miracle. I’ll report the matter to the bishop, and have him send people round, to interview you, take photos, etc.” An investigation of some rigour is conducted, not only by priests of the archdiocese, but by scientists sent from the Curia in Rome. The final ruling is a negative, however. it reads: "It was certainly an extraordinary event that occurred in Murphy’s room, quite outside the normal run of the phenomena. Yet we have to be very cautious before ruling any happening miraculous, ruling out all possible natural explanations. In this case we have declared no miracle. For it possibly resulted from Murphy having buttered the toast on the wrong side." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 A white man goes out to the deserts in Africa hiking, soon he finds himself in some quicksand up to his knees and can't move his legs. A black man comes walking by and the white guy says can you help me out of this quicksand, I seem to be stuck. The black guy replies you have to give me a blowjob and the white guy replies get out of here so the black guy went on his way. Now the white guy has sunk up to his waste in the quicksand and another black guy comes walking by, the white guy says can you help me out of this quicksand and the black guy replies you have to give me a blowjob. The white guy replies get out of here, so the black guy continues on his way. Now he sinks up to his neck in quicksand and another black guy comes along, the white guy says help me out I'll give you a blowjob. The black guy stomps on the white guys head saying I hate Cocksuckers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dukeofdata Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 A woman and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig." The woman says, "That's not a pig, that's a duck." He says, "I was talking to the duck." A Scotsman walks into a bar after a round of golf and sits down at a table opposite a flashily dressed blond. She winks and says to him "I'm a hooker". He says "Well, if you turn your hands on the shaft a wee bit to the left... you'll tend more towards a slice." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Did you hear about the Italian who was asked to be a Jehovah's Witness. He refused because he didn't see the accident. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you get an Italian woman pregnant? Cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you sterilize a turd? Boil the shit out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dukeofdata Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 My favorite Italian joke: Why did the Andrea Doria sink? It was wop-sided. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Bad. Really fucking bad. Major loss of life. All due to an idiotic Captain that was brainless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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