Who Got Jokes!!!

[Guest Krysez]

Hello all.

We are all here for a common purpose...but that isn't all that we are. Since a lot of us are here daily, we might as well have other things to pull us here besides voyeurism.

So, I started this thread to see where everyone's humor is.

If you have a funny joke, image or story, post it here.

If the joke is funny just Like it

If it isn't funny, just let it go.

So........whatcha got? ;D

[Guest Krysez]

How does a rapper with no legs get around?

Hip-Hop

[Guest RLCaddict]

A couple take in an extremely attractive 18-year-old girl as a lodger. The girl asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom and that she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to throw darts," she said. So the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair, and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week I'll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself."

The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, "Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed off her hairy muff.

When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked, "Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."

"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it all before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"

[Ronper]

Buying a Lasagne in Britain is a lot like trying to pick out a prostitute in Thailand.

You know some of them are going to contain some unwanted meat.

[Ronper]

The South African police have said that Oscar Pistorius may get the electric chair.

If you ask me he was dangerous enough on a pair of stilts, never mind giving the cunt a mobility scooter

[Guest Karl]

What do you call a guy with a car on his head?

Jack

[tripod2]

A bus full of Catholic school girls drives off a cliff and they all perish.

They are greeted at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter and he asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once looked at one when a friend was getting dressed". St. Peter says, "Okay, go rinse your eyes with the Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Becky, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St.

Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls; one of the girls was pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, "Sally, What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."

[Foamy T. Squirrel]

Hillbilly girl comes to her daddy who is sitting on the porch.

"Daddy, can I borrow the car?" she asks.

"Sure, honey, but you know what you gotta do."

She gets down on her knees, he whips out his swollen member from his pants.

She starts to attend to this chore, then exclaims, "Daddy, this tastes like shit!"

He replies: "Sorry honey. I forgot. Your brother's got the car."

[TBG 150]

I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar.

One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."

His buddy says, "Dude, I'm exhausted.  My girlfriend wants to have sex all the time, morning, noon and several times a night.  I just don't know what to do."

An older fellow who looked to be in his 60's or 70's was sitting a couple of stools down, and also over-heard the conversation.  He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of his years said, "Marry her.  That'll put a stop to that shit!"

[Guest BJon]

Wife buys some crotchless knickers. She walks into the living room lifts up her skirt and says to her husband want to have some fun?

He replies fuck no! look what it's done to your knickers.

[TBG 150]

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."

[darkman]

un hombre va al confesionario , padre he pecado , ¿ que as echo hijo mio ? , he mirado a una vecina desnudarse , y dice el cura , eso no es un pecado muy grande , solo reza tres padres nuestros un ave maria y la primera persona que veas al salir de la iglesia le das 5 euros , el hombre sale de la iglesia y en la esquina se encuentra una prostituta , le da los 5 euros , y le dice ella , son 10 y el hombre le dice , el cura me ha dicho 5 y contesta la puta , es que el cura es cliente de toda la vida .