letsdothis Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 I'm an editorial illustrator, negotiating the fee for a magazine that centers on humanitarian and sustainability topics. Me: Sorry I can't make it work for this budget. Client: Could you just do it less detailed? The whole issue is about social justice and I thought that topic would be close to your heart. Me: What's the article about? Client: Working for unfair wages. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foamy T. Squirrel Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 Q: Why did God invent yeast infections? A: So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt. Q: Why do women have arms? A: Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean? Q: Q:Why do women have legs? A: So they don't leave snail trails. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Phillipe Floppe 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 Where can you go to practice math on New Year's Eve? Times Square. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold. I nodded knowingly. “It’s the early signs of typothermia. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. “It’s taped under the modem,” I told him. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 On Facebook, the English language has few friends. Three examples: Post: I can’t stand people that don’t know the difference between your and you’re. There so dumb. Response: Their, their, calm down. Post: Is it me or does nobody have manors these days? Response: I just have a normal house. Post: I do not have patients for stupid today. Response: Patience. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 Can a 3-D printer make ink cartridges for a 2-D printer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 I bet cats have a secret website where they upload clips of cute humans trying to open DVD packaging and jump-start cars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 My wife asked me today if I had seen the dog bowl... I said I didn’t know he could! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted February 21, 2021 Share Posted February 21, 2021 I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing.” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted February 21, 2021 Share Posted February 21, 2021 How to Shock a Time Traveler If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared, what would be the most difficult thing to explain about life today? One answer: “I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man. I use it to look at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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