Aussie_oi_oi Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 Joke of the day 😉 Johnny the monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, monk Johnny gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. "We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the R!" His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The monk Johnny asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was.. CELEBRATE" 😉 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 Joke of the day 😉 There were three horny dogs (A British bulldog, A German shepherd and a Chihuahua) A poodle walked by and she says "Ill let one of you have your way with me if you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence" The Bulldog says "I hate liver and cheese" She says "Nope that wont work" The German shepherd says "I love liver and cheese" She says "Nope that wont work" The Chihuahua says "Liver alone cheese mine" 😉 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 Joke of the day 😉 A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts." The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!" A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!" Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it. The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing. 😉 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 55 minutes ago, Aussie_oi_oi said: Joke of the day 😉 Johnny the monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, monk Johnny gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. "We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the R!" His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The monk Johnny asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was.. CELEBRATE" 😉 You posted this on Sunday, @Aussie_oi_oi 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 Shit happens! It's 6 posts up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted May 19, 2022 Author Share Posted May 19, 2022 Four Husbands are at the lobby waiting for the nurse to tell them about the babies their wives gave birth to. The nurse walks up to the first man and says: Congratulations your wife gave birth to twins! The man says: That's odd, because I work at a restaurant called 2 Cities. The nurse walks up to the second man and says: Congratulations your wife gave birth to triplets! The man says: Thats weird because I work at a factory called 3 Continents. The nurse walks up to the third guy and says: Congratulations your wife gave birth to Quadruplets! The man says: Thats very odd, because I work at the Four Seasons Hotel! The fourth man starts crying. One of the men says: What's wrong? The fourth man responds: I work at 7up.. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted May 19, 2022 Author Share Posted May 19, 2022 One night in a bar a man walked up to the barman and said "you see that glass in the other end of the bar? I bet you $100 I can piss in it from here." The barman says "you're on!" so the guy starts to piss everywhere on everyone even the barman, exept for the glass. "Ha!" says the barman. "you owe me $100" so the guy says "wait here." He walks to a pool table and gets money from someone and they laugh. "here it is" the man says. "thanks. By the way, why did you two laugh ? You lost the bet" "Oh" says the man. "I bet the guy at the pool table $1000 i could piss everywhere in the bar and even on you and you'd still be smiling" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tle Posted May 20, 2022 Share Posted May 20, 2022 A dog and a cat are having an argument over who is the favorite of humans. The dog says, “Humans like us more. They’ve even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.” The cat smiles and says, “You’re really not going to win this one you know.” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tle Posted May 20, 2022 Share Posted May 20, 2022 I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.” I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law to be hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.” And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted May 20, 2022 Share Posted May 20, 2022 There was a Baptist who liked to bet on the horses but he was horrible at picking winners lost most of his money at the track. One day he saw a priest blessing a horse and that horse came in 1st place.... Later he saw that priest again blessing a horse and that horse also came in 1st place... So the next time the Baptist went to the ATM withdrew every last dollar he had went to the track to bet on the "blessed" horse The priest was down there and this time he also touched the horse allover even the ears , hooves,... Halfway through the race that horse fell over and Died... The Baptist ran up to the Priest what the Heck ya do that horse... The Priest says "figures" you "Protestants" never knew the difference between Blessings & The "Last Rights" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tle Posted May 21, 2022 Share Posted May 21, 2022 I'm soo excited!!! After days of development, I just released my own fragrance!! Nobody in the car seemed to like it! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tle Posted May 22, 2022 Share Posted May 22, 2022 I recently bought a toilet brush..... Long story short. I'm going back to toilet paper.... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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