woodworker

The way Dylan guards his royalty rights I'd be lucky if this stays up here for more than ten minutes. But this was the song that was playing at Lee's pool hall way back when I was young, and had nearly averted a brawl, which could have been ugly, with the way that I was back in those days. Lee's was an old time joint off in my neighborhood, a narrow building with cinder block walls, and long wooden troughs filled with sand to put your cigarette butts in. Even the tables, just like old Lee himself were from back in the thirties and forties. Anyway, he use to hide some of us out in the back storage room when I was fourteen and would skip school. So, over the years I grew to like Lee very much. Well, a little later on when I was then sixteen, and while this song just happened to be playing, Danny, while breaking, hit the que ball too low and it leaped off the table like a rocket and after bouncing hard off one of the walls came close to hitting some of the other toughs a little ways off. The guy was a bit angry, but then looked at my watchful eye, and kindly tossed the ball back gently instead. Then, old Minnesota slop, reared back to break again, and WHAM! Right off the table, then off the wall, and right back at that same guy once again. He almost lost it, but when he saw that I had already stuck my pool que into the corner pocket of my table and had a severe bend now going on as I was about to snap it in two to lance my would be adversaries with it, he re-considered once again. And to think that this sort of memory could be sparked by a simple little tune as this.

Dear Woodworker, Thank you very much for your kind, and insightful letter. To be a little honest, you made me blush. (giggle, giggle).. And frankly that hasn't happened to me in months. I will certainly try that the next time I am twiddling myself. With high regards, your very anxious Leora

To all those that have made for good company here at Camcaps,.. I want to thank you, sincerely. So long everyone.

They're just like fleas riding upon the great dogs back. Good for nothing!

I think I scared the poor thing.

It's all true, as funny as it must have seemed at the moment. And even as I was yelling and cursing at that lion, I could see that shadowy beast then huddled about in the Northwest corner of it's cage, and it never so much as let out another peep after it's first initial roar at me. Honestly, I wanted so much to hammer the point of my knife into it's hide, and somehow, I think that he decided that he didn't want to mess around with this guy on that particular night after all. The elephants on the other hand, had I not managed to stop in time,.. Well, that would have presented a whole different sort of problem for me.

Maybe you'll get a kick out of this, or maybe you won't. But at least you'll know that in the wilds of down town Detroit, I wasn't lying to you about this near death experience. Anything that has to do with myself, whether humorous or not, is completely true. It goes like this,.. Danny wanted me to meet this guy, Dennis Manning. So after Danny told Dennis that I would be coming by the next night, I went knocking on his door. He was cordial, and had a friend with him at the time. We then went down to his basement and shot a little pool. Wasn't much talking on my part, as I was a very quiet back in those days, and was there more to get a measure of this guy than anything else. So, after a while we three got into my new, black, 1969 Pontiac Grand Prix, and headed off towards down town. Dennis pulled out a joint, and it got passed around. To me it didn't seem to be all that strong at the time, but maybe I misjudge it at that moment. Anyway, as we got closer to the waterfront near Cobo Hall, Dennis said rather calmly,.. "Hey man, watch out for the elephants." Without moving my head I turned my eyes towards him, thinking to myself,.. 'This shit isn't that good, just what kind of corn ball do I have here?' Then, while still moving a little further on he said,.."I'm telling you man,.. watch out for the elephants." I was starting to get really pissed off within me, both at Danny for recommending this jerk to me, and towards this guy both. Then Dennis suddenly threw his right hand up on the dash board, as he shifted his body towards me and shouted out,.. "WATCH OUT FOR THE FUCKING ELEPHANTS!" I was furious and slammed on the breaks, and was about to rip his fucking heart out, when I saw before me not more than twenty feet away all these elephants. My head must have been in the clouds, because if he hadn't have shouted at me, I am quite convinced that I would have probably crippled one of the elephants that night, and that would have no doubt prompted an angry retaliation from the others afterwards. Honestly,.. Hard to explain the look in that elephants eye towards me. It was aimed right at me and was filled with a mixture of bewilderment and promulgating rage. It kind of reminded me of that same look that Moby Dick gave captain Ahab in that movie when it turned it's eye right at him. Anyway,.. What had happened was the circus had just let out, and they were leading the animals down the street and back on board a ship to head back to France. Well, naturally I got out of the car to watch this thing. We all did. There was a whole string of elephants, not more than maybe twenty feet away, with these painted stars and things around their eyes, and at the very end was this adorable baby elephant that was holding onto it's mother's tail. Very cute. All of this on a darken street in down town Detroit. I then meandered across the street to the other side to get a better look from a different angle, and had not been aware of this transport cage which contained a lion in it. My back was not more than a foot away from it when it let out a loud roar! I mean, it was a full blown roar and quite startled me, as I found my knife then in my hand and was then trying to reach into this cage to stab this mother fucker with, while at the same time making my displeasure known towards this thing. I know that's hard for some here to believe, but tough, it is the fucking truth. To me, there was only one king in that fucking jungle, and as far as I was concerned, it wasn't him! And besides, I don't like being startled, or bark at, or roared at, by anyone! But after about a minute or so, I started to cool off, as I heard Dennis say in a muffled voice about fifteen feet away. "Jesus!" We then walked further on and went inside Cobo Hall and watch some of the performers while they were still practicing their acts. Dennis headed straight off to talk to this leggy high wire woman who pretended not to speak any English. While I had a little contest with the knife thrower there. I pulled out my high quality Italian made stiletto, which he looked over for a while. And then I pointed at the painted star on this wooden thing that I guess some of the animals would use to posture and pose upon. And yes, I beat him that night, which brought a snarl upon Pierre's lips. Anyway, that's my little Mutual of Omaha moment. Nothing really major about it all. Except that I wanted my friend Foamy to realize that his friend might be a little bit out there at times, but he isn't a fucking liar. A little post script: At the rate of speed that I was driving, had I actually collided with one of those elephants, it would have most likely have broken it's leg, which would have then caused it to roll over and crush the front end of my car, leaving me with no other way to exit, then by heel and toe express. No doubt the others would have chased after us, and it would have made for a strange ending for one with an already unorthodox past.

Don't forget, this is the same guy who returned that bust of Winston Churchill to Great Britain. The truth is, he doesn't give a shit about Great Britain or it's people, just his precious one world order. And to me, he's really nothing more than a third rate con man, coming off as smart or clever to only those that are stupid around him.

Just as with me, Your guardian angel was there for you. Boy, the ones assigned to look after me must have dreaded the job.

When it comes to gun play, as Foamy might recall from the incident at Hemlock Park, where I showed this punk my own version of Russian Roulette, I tend to be a bit more diplomatic than I was on that particular night. Honestly, while everyone is rather quick when they're young. I was notably quick in my actions at certain times. Quick as lightning and as agile as a mountain goat. There was nothing about me that was ever clumsy in my ways. And my mind when in the heat of conflict is absolutely uncanny. So hard to describe, but even quicker, and more apt than even my obvious motor skills. So that you will know just how unerring fast I could be I will relate a non-threatening event that took place, that is almost super human in the way of being quick. There is an old bar trick where a person would hold a dollar bill just an inch away from your thumb and forefinger, and will say if you can catch it you can have it. And then he will let the bill drop, and almost no one can ever pinch their fingers quick enough to grab that bill. Now imagine this,.. At a party at Joes house to celebrate his new baby, where there were a few friends then gathered around the kitchen dinette table which was up against the wall by a window. I was sitting on the inside close to the window, and some girl was sitting to my left. Directly across from me was some other girl, with Joe then sitting on the outside part of this booth like table. A girl, named Karen was then holding Joe's new baby, and was then throwing it up a little bit into the air and then catching it. But, on this one occasion, she dropped the baby, and I dove under the table and caught the kid just a couple of inches away from the floor. I caught it like a football. And the amazing thing, though I didn't care about it at the time, was that I didn't even knock over any drinks! That surprised me. Joe's words spoken just then was a mixture of anger directed towards poor Karen, and relief at the same time, as he then said harshly,.. "Nice fucking catch!" Even Joe, who was sitting right next to where Karen was then standing, couldn't respond as fast. In fact, no one, except for Karen of course, had even grasped just then that dreadful drop. And though it was all a flash, I still remember that anxious look upon her face just then. By the way,.. For what it's worth, I always gave credit to God for those times when that sort of thing might have saved somebody. He still moves me even now. Perhaps not as quickly, but in different ways all the same. There, now I'm done. Boy, sometimes writing is a bitch!

In a car, at three in the morning with little or no traffic going by,.. it was loud.

I never had to take anyone out that way, but I came close to shooting the nose off someone once. It happened in the wee hours of night, and was a sudden bit of action followed by a loud report that startled a good friend then sitting beside me in my car. It was pure reflex, as I quickly threw my arm across my friend's chest and took my shot out of the passenger side window. And it's a good thing that this prick then parked at this gas station, didn't moved forward a few inches just then, or he would done more than just coward down into the floor boards. At best, he would have been left without a nose, at worse.. Oh he was a real scary looking guy, with his scraped knuckles and bruised up face, and his short cropped prison hair cut. And I didn't mean to be rude or stare. But when he flipped me off, my lightning quick reflexes just took over. My good friend Joe, after we took off, shouted out,.. "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" He was a little bit shaken up by it all. Joe had just gotten back into the car, and didn't know what was about to happen just then. And it was both deliberate and fast on my part. Anyway,.. Joe was, and is, the best friend I ever had.