Dave 27 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 I went to visit the Royal Mint but when I got there the woman on the door said"your too early we don't open till After Eight So I went to Windsor Great Park and watched the Polo😀😀 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slender Man Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, i don't know what else to do. Whenever i go home after we have been out drinking, i turn the headlights off before i get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before i go into the house, i sneak upstairs, i get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you are obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, "How about a blowjob?"..... and she's always sound asleep." 1 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave 27 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 5 hours ago, Dave 27 said: I went to visit the Royal Mint but when I got there the woman on the door said"your too early we don't open till After Eight So I went to Windsor Great Park and watched the Polo😀😀 I'm not expecting you to laugh but you ARE winding me up yeh!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoifan Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 15 minutes ago, StnCld316 said: 0 That guy must be seriously hurtled. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave 27 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 1 minute ago, zoifan said: That guy must be seriously hurtled. I think he's retired!! Now 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 17 minutes ago, zoifan said: That guy must be seriously hurtled. I'd say. He got lifted right off his feet. I don't know how much air pressure in that tire but he obviously had way too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slender Man Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 A shopkeeper advertises "Sales assistant/handyman wanted" in his shop window. After a few hours go by a young simple lad walks in and says, "I'd like to apply for the job advertised in your window. Shopkeeper: Have you and previous experience? Simple Lad: No not in a shop, but I am handy because I just live around the corner. Shopkeeper: Ha ha ok I will give you a trial. I will serve this customer and you follow my lead on the next one. Customer: Hello sir, I would like to buy some grass seed. Shopkeeper: Great! would you like to purchase a lawn mower also, because once it grows you'll need to cut it. Customer: Oh ok then. So the Simple Lad then stands behind the counter as another customer walks in, Customer whispers: I'd like to buy some tampons. Simple Lad: What? Customer: My wife's on her you know and I would like to buy some tampons for her. Simple Lad: Oh....Ok would you like to buy a lawn mower with that? Customer: Why? Simple Lad: Well your weekends fucked so you might as well cut the grass. 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slender Man Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 A man was sitting at the bar at Heathrow and noticed a really beautiful woman sitting just up from him. He thought to himself. "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an Air Hostess. I wonder what airline she works for?" Hoping to find out, he leaned over towards her and uttered the Delta Airline slogan. "Love to fly and it shows" She gave him a blank, confused stare and he thought to himself. "Well, she obviously doesn't work for Delta." A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. So he leaned towards her again and said, "Something special in the air". She gave him the same confused look. He mentally scratched Singapore Airlines off his list. Then he thought. "Perhaps she works for Thai Airways...." and said, "Smooth as silk?" This time, the woman turned on him and said, "What the fuck do you want?" The man smiled, sat back in his chair and said, "Ahhhhh, Ryanair!" 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 7 hours ago, ARMY SNIPER said: told the wife me and a couple buddies gonna try out the new boat New motor is here Looks to be a 460 Ford mill. Ain't gonna run with dust/spray caps on the exhaust. Older, maybe a 428/429. Maybe even a 351W by the shape of the rocker covers. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slender Man Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to have dinner with my parents. So i called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, i'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture." "Oh," she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time!" Yesterday i saw a car with a boot sticker saying, "I'm a vet, therefore i can drive like an animal." It was that moment that i suddenly realised just how many gnyaecologists there are on the roads. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slender Man Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Jenny's friend Debbie at work was complaining about a sore throat and laryngitis. "When i have that i always give a blowjob to my husband and the next day i'm better, you should try it." Next day Debbie comes in singing. "How did it go?" enquires Jenny. "Brilliant" says Debbie, "Your husband couldn't believe it was your idea!" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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