Aussie_oi_oi

Joke of the day 😉 A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read: "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings, Montana." "Good grief; is that where the job is?" "No sir --- that's where the end of the line is right now." 😉

Joke of the day 😉 During a recent outing in New Orleans, a woman sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the fortune teller's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, "Will I be acquitted?" 😉

Joke of the day 😉 God is tired, worn out. So he speaks to St. Peter, "You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?" St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Jupiter? It's nice and warm there this time of the year." God shakes His head before saying, "No. Too much gravity. You know how that hurts my back." "Hmmm," St. Peter reflects. "Well, how about Mercury?" "No way!" God mutters, "It's way too hot for me there!" "I've got it," St. Peter says, his face lighting up. "How about going Down to Earth for your vacation?" Chuckling, God remarks, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!" 😉

Joke of the day 😉 A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in- law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it." 😉

Joke of the day 😉 This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable. A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded with: " Rome! Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental!" exclaimed the hairdresser. That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome "It was wonderful," explained the woman. "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel; the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say?" He said: "Who screwed up your hair?" 😉

Joke of the day 😉 HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD WELL .. . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE........ MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL. YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE. WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?' YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALDING, WRINKLED FACED, FAT-ASSED, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT, MISERABLE, SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED... "WHAT DID YOU TEACH ?????? 😉

Leora sleeping away from the ipad.

Leora would be feeling sexy and horny by wearing her black lingerie.

What the bloody hell Leora, now licking a lollipop 🍭. Leora your out of control 🍭

OMG, just noticed Leora has three more banana's on the bench.... my wife is going to wonder what the hell is going on 😂

I love watching Leora in the doggie position. Now if Leora bends over in her black lingerie my wife could be in for a big night 😂

I'm in luck Leora love the nuts too 🥰

Damn I'm horny watching her suck that lucky banana!!!

May I add "sexy black lingerie on"

Watching Leora eating that banana will bring tears to my eye being 15.901 km's away.

With my one good eye Leora is looking sexy as hell to today.

Seriously, I love this forum.... and Leora for putting out the Koala to show her support for me!

Thanks Possum.

Do we need extra cameras in the apartment? I would like one that shows the door.

Aussie does like a nice back scratch

While we a patiently waiting for Leora's return my football team had a great win at the famous MCG. Go Carlton/ Go Blues Enjoy the 6 minutes highlights. https://youtu.be/AHnGamvy7P0

Hopefully she had a great time with her friends and is safe.

Joke of the day 😉 A boy named Johnny ran into an old man who was carrying a bag. "What's in the bag?" Johnny asked. "Magic apples", said the old man. "Prove it!", replied Johnny. "Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man. "Grapes and oranges", he answered. The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. Johnny took a bite and said that it tasted like a grape. "Ok, turn it over", the old man said. Johnny did and took another bite and said that it tasted like an orange. He still wasn't convinced that they were magic. The old man told him to name something else that he liked to eat. "I like to eat p*ssy." he snapped. The man handed him another apple and told him to try it. He took a big bite, spat it out, wiped his mouth and yelled, "That tasted like sh*t". The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over." 😉