Aussie_oi_oi

Leora is trying to get skin cancer from sunburn.

Very true, she has those motherly instincts.

Good news he came to stay with a dog.

Joke of the day 😉 A skinny young fella with a face full of rings and spikes through his eyebrow, nose and lip, applies for a job with a Captain of a fishing boat. The Captain is doubtful but the young fella is very sincere and pleads that he really needs the job, and he's a hard worker, reliable and honest. So the Captain gives him the job as a deckhand. On the first trip out, it was rough seas, and the First Mate was keeping an eye on the new guy swabbing the deck. All of a sudden a big wave crashes over the deck and sweeps the young fella overboard. After a few minutes, the First Mate realises that the Captain must have missed it and went to the wheelhouse to tell him about it. First Mate: Hey Captain, you know that young fella who said he really needed this job and was a hard worker, reliable and honest? Captain: Yeah, what about him? First Mate: He just took off and stole your mop!

Joke of the day 😉 Best Friend A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he's okay. "No, I'm not," the guy replies. "I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend." "Well," asks the bartender, "what did you say to your wife?" "Nothing. I'm not speaking to that bitch anymore." "Well, what did you say to your best friend?" "BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

Joke of the day 😉 Wife's Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, I love you, too. When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. Husband's Diary: A one-foot putt.. Who the f**k misses a one-foot putt?

Joke of the day 😉 Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.' The man from England fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said. 'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. The man from New Zealand reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'. The Australian started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?' The Aussie replied, 'These are Carols.' And So The Christmas Season begins

Joke of the day 😉 TEN (10) THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU 1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips. 4) You just attempted to do it. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5. 😎 You just checked to see if there is a No. 5. 9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too. 10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it. Have a great Day. Laugh, growing old is a privilege denied to many."

Joke of the day 😉 A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain!" "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..." "But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Joke of the day 😉 A piece of string walks into a bar (yeah, it walks ok). Slides up onto a bar stool & hollers 'barkeep, 1 beer please' A piece of string working behind the bar comes over & says "I can't serve you, you're a piece of string' The 1st piece of a string looks the other up & down & says 'wtf' you're a piece of string too, you have to serve me! The barkeep string replies 'no, Ima Frayd Knot'

Joke of the day 😉 Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.'Was the other Indian crazy or what?' The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indianmen see cave, they holler'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us. Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered,'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Immediately, there was the answer. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening. The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking,'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!' He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!' With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran. The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read................ NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

Joke of the day 😉 An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now! Noticing some bones on the ground nearby, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder if there are any more around here? Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!," says the lion, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me! Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the lion. The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine! Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says.. "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion! Moral of this story Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Bull Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Joke of the day 😉 Five Aussie surgeons from big cities are discussing what type of person makes the best patient to operate on. The first surgeon, from Brisbane, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second, from Perth, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded." The third surgeon, from Adelaide, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon, from Sydney chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.' But the fifth surgeon, from Melbourne, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the head and the arse are interchangeable.

Cheers Pete

Leora still time for 'sexy time'

OMG, Leora has to buy a pair of those beauties.

Excellent pulo

Aussie loves the beautiful ass of Leora with it in her.

Damn it, hoping the butt plug was getting a run.

Those lucky panties..

mmm, time the green butt plug to make a visit.

Damn, I feel for Leora the wet blanket Paul is hanging around filling his face with Melon.

Joke of the day 😉 A father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand-new bike. "Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over 300 dollars!" "I earned it hiking," replied the boy. "Hiking??? Come on son; tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that sort of money hiking. Where did you really get the cash from?" "It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr Goldberg from the bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20-dollar bill and tell me to take a hike!" 😉

Joke of the day 😉 DON'T DESPAIR Sister Rita was sitting by her convent window one evening when she opened a letter from home: inside the letter was a $100 note from her parents. Sister Rita smiled but as she continued to read the letter by what was left of the last glimmers of daylight coming through her window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamppost in the street below. Quickly she took a piece of paper and wrote, "Don't despair - Sister Rita". She then wrapped the $100 note in it and having got the man's attention, she tossed the wrapped note out of the window to him. The stranger picked it up and read what was on the paper. He looked up, tipped his hat and slowly made his way down the street and into the darkness. Meanwhile, Sister Rita returned to her letter hoping he would use the money wisely. The following day, Sister Rita was told that there was a man at the main door of the convent insisting that he should see her, so she made her way down the stairs to see what the commotion was all about. True enough, she found the stranger, who she had last seen standing in the street, waiting for her. Without a word, he handed her an envelope stuffed full of $100 notes. "What's this?" she asked. "It's your winnings Sister," he replied, "Don't Despair came in at 80-to-1." 😉

Joke of the day 😉 An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying and getting very cranky. Her father asked what was wrong with her. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly: "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?" 😉