pulo filipe Posted November 29, 2021 Posted November 29, 2021 Joãozinho goes to the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a suppository. The pharmacist wraps it and gives it to Joãozinho who leaves the pharmacy without paying the bill. Then the pharmacist shouts: - Is it for your mother? And Joãozinho promptly answers: - No, it's to put it in his father's ass.
pulo filipe Posted December 1, 2021 Posted December 1, 2021 A lawyer and his mother-in-law are in a burning building. You only have time to save one of them. What do you do? Are you going to lunch or go to the movies?
pulo filipe Posted December 3, 2021 Posted December 3, 2021 The husband comes home and says to his wife: - Love if I won the lottery what would you want? She: I'd take half and leave, leave you! Him: Really? She: Yes He: Well I won Her: How much love? He: R$2.50 at Lotofácil. Here, take your R$1.25 and go away, damn you!!! 1
Aussie_oi_oi Posted December 5, 2021 Posted December 5, 2021 Joke of the day Larry & Betty met on a cruise & Larry fell head over heels for her... When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Larry was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Larry had taken Betty to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Larry became convinced that Betty was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Larry took Betty to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for salad, Larry said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, read about golf, and watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!" Betty took a deep breath and responded, "Larry, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker." "Oh wow! I see," Larry replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment. Deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball." 3
Slipper Guyquad Posted December 5, 2021 Posted December 5, 2021 Idea for a reality show. Following Cher and her leading tribute act around, to see who can get the most attention, who can be recognised the most, and a sing-off to determine who sounds the best. It's called Cher And Cher Alike. 2
letsdothis Posted December 5, 2021 Posted December 5, 2021 I hate it when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy. It’s not like I did anything! 5
pulo filipe Posted December 6, 2021 Posted December 6, 2021 Furious, the woman opens the door to her husband, at 5 am, and discovers him completely drunk, disheveled hair, covered in lipstick marks and exhaling an intense feminine perfume. 'Come on, you bastard,' he growls, 'just give me one good reason why you should arrive like this at this hour! - Yes, yes... Breakfast! 2
ARMY SNIPER Posted December 7, 2021 Posted December 7, 2021 11 hours ago, pulo filipe said: Furious, the woman opens the door to her husband, at 5 am, and discovers him completely drunk, disheveled hair, covered in lipstick marks and exhaling an intense feminine perfume. 'Come on, you bastard,' he growls, 'just give me one good reason why you should arrive like this at this hour! - Yes, yes... Breakfast! Hell a man gotta eat! he can't keep up his activites on a empty stomach. Dam my straw drunk 2
pulo filipe Posted December 10, 2021 Posted December 10, 2021 At the police station, a citizen appears and says he wants to confess... The police chief asks: - What happened? And the man: - Doctor I killed my mother-in-law! - Well my son, you committed this crime but you should be very upset - said the chief - don't mind, go home and rest. It's alright.... - But doctor I buried the old woman! - Oh my son saw what a good soul you are? He buried his mother-in-law. So you've already avoided all that bureaucracy... - Doctor!!! But when I was burying her she screamed that she was still alive! - It's my son and you don't know that every mother-in-law is a liar?
Aussie_oi_oi Posted December 12, 2021 Posted December 12, 2021 Joke of the day A man went fishing and hadn't caught a thing in four hours, when all of a sudden the local vicar turned up and cast his rod into the stream and within half an hour his keep net was full! The man is getting quite pissed off at this so decides to ask the vicar how he does it. The vicar kindly tells him "Well my son, go home tonight and rub your hand between your wives legs, and then rub it in with all your worms and the smell will attract the fish!" The man thinks this is a good idea so he goes home and sees the wife standing by the stove cooking dinner, he goes up to her, sticks his hand up her skirt and starts rubbing away. The wife giggles and says "Oh hello vicar, off fishing again?" 5
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