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Alexandria

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Everything posted by Alexandria

  1. Move the table closer to a camera and then turn off the lights. Hilarious ๐Ÿ˜‚
  2. There were three nuns, they all told the priest that they were going to do one sin each. So the priest says, "OK, do your sins, come back, and I will bless you". They went to do their sins and returned later to get blessed. The priest asked the first one who was laughing what her sin was. She replied, " I had sex with a guy." The priest said OK, blessed her and told her to drink some holy water. So she did! The next was laughing harder, and the priest asked what her sin was. She said, "I got in a fight with another nun." Oh ok, blessed her and told her to go drink some holy water. So she did. The priest asked the last one who could barely stand she was laughing so much what she did. And as she was laughing she said, "I pissed in the holy water!" ๐Ÿ˜‚
  3. Such a pathetic attempt at a masturbation show haha
  4. Gordon Brown was looking for a lady of the night. He found a girl in a local pub. He said to her, "I'm Prime Minister of England, how much would it cost for me to spend time with you..?" Her reply, "Mr. Prime Minister, if you can get my skirt as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, your dick as hard as the times we're living in and keep it rising like the cost of fuel and screw me the way you have pensioners - then it won't cost a fucking penny!"
  5. How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank? Ring up and say you can't cum.
  6. A dentist, an electrician, and a carpenter decide to play practical jokes on their best friend in his wedding night. "I'll loosen some joints on his bed so it collapses when he's making love," says the carpenter. "I'll hot wire his mattress so they'll feel immense heat while they make love," says the electrician. "Those are good ideas," says the dentist. "But my contribution is going to be a real surprise." The next day the new husband comes to the bar to meet his friends. He says, "I congratulate you guys for making the bed heat up and collapse, but I'm gonna kill whichever one of you put Novocaine in the massage oil!"
  7. Being top cam for all those years is BS for starters. Even now doesn't say much, especially considering what she is competing with. Lots have/had a good following i.e Alina, Alma, Zoya, Chloe, Nelly. Difference being, they are not so obsessed and feel the need to babble on about every little thing!!
  8. Doesn't have charisma! Just has obsessed, weird fanatics, that will watch and comment about anything she does. Very boring and self-obsessed, and even makes Masha's performances look genuine. So dull, she has to resort to bringing in a friend, and doing the same senarios, others have been doing for years.
  9. There is no wine holder on my vacuum cleaner. It's like it wasn't even designed for women. How can I be expected to work under these conditions? I've trained my dog to bring me red wine. It's a Bordeaux collie. Overheard in a restaurant: He: "This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste." Her: "Are you describing the wine or your mother?" ๐Ÿ˜
  10. A woman finds out her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present. When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video. He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video. On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friends dick. He cums in her mouth, and she immediately spits the cum into a bowl of cookie dough. Then she turns to the camera. "Oh, hello, I want a divorce." ๐Ÿ˜‚
  11. Just looks pathetic. She should use some money on acting lessons ๐Ÿ˜‚
  12. Three women were sitting having a few drinks and talking about their love lives. The first woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does." The second giggled and confessed, "I call mine the miner because of his incredible shaft." The third quietly sipped her wine until her friend asked, "So, what do you call yours?" She frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" "Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
  13. What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common? Most men usually miss them. ๐Ÿ˜
  14. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spit, swallow, and gargle. Why do men like big tits and a tight ass? Because they have big mouths and little dicks. I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce. It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
  15. Hi. Nothing interesting really.. Rather boring couple, but Mickey has nice cock
  16. A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous babe nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says, "Hi there, good looking! How it going?" She, having already downed a few power drinks, turned and said. "Listen! I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, front door, back door, it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college!" Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding! I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?" ๐Ÿ˜
  17. In my mouth always โ˜บ๏ธ
  18. There was a young man called Bruno, Who said, "Fucking is one thing I do know, Sheep are just fine, and woman divine. But, Llamas are numero uno!" ๐Ÿ˜‚
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