Kissa & Markus (2019) Part #1

pahman · March 28, 2019

2 hours ago, Amy3 said:

@pahman

Haha! Funny you say, “what would your life be like without them?”. Some here would argue that I do want to destroy VHTV. Ok, fine I’ll admit in times of sheer anger at James I would have loved to see VHTV fold. There have been times where I tried to punish them for what I considered a lack of respect for me and for the things I’ve done for them. Yes, I’ll admit that, but then I always come crawling back. Why? I’ll tell you why. Because CamCaps and VHTV gives the person who is me, Amy, air to breath. Without this place, I go back into the confines of my mind, alone and unable to express myself, beyond my own self. I am who I say I am. I am Amy, this transgendered person inside of my mind. I’ve been this way since I was 12. As life would have it though, I chose not to express it fully in public. In retrospect I should have, but I didn’t because I was too scared how society would treat me. I was a coward and I have a deep regret for this. I could have pulled it off and been the person I was supposed to be. I’m not a perfect woman, but if I had gone for it, I could have managed it, I think. Alas, I made a choice not to and I live with that choice. I married a woman, who doesn’t know who I am, and I do not have the liberty to be who I am and I am at peace with that. This was the one decision that I made in my life that I promised myself I would not break no matter what. So many other things in my life I have broken. I have done terrible things to people I care about. Even here, I have hurt many. It hurts me a lot to even think about it, but I have to go on despite the bad choices I’ve made. Anyways, so this promise I made to my wife I plan to keep. So, when people ask, why doesn’t Amy just do something else, this is the reason. Without this place I have no air to breath and I lose my ability to express myself. So, don’t feel bad for me or wish I’ll will upon me, just accept me for what I am and don’t take me too seriously either. I am here to have fun too even though at times it doesn’t seem that way. Be like James and try to accept me despite my faults and when I let you down, just shake your head smile anyways. Everything will be ok. ❤️

Tell you what, I do admire your courage. ❤️

SPYING 1 · March 28, 2019

3 hours ago, Amy3 said:

@pahman

Haha! Funny you say, “what would your life be like without them?”. Some here would argue that I do want to destroy VHTV. Ok, fine I’ll admit in times of sheer anger at James I would have loved to see VHTV fold. There have been times where I tried to punish them for what I considered a lack of respect for me and for the things I’ve done for them. Yes, I’ll admit that, but then I always come crawling back. Why? I’ll tell you why. Because CamCaps and VHTV gives the person who is me, Amy, air to breath. Without this place, I go back into the confines of my mind, alone and unable to express myself, beyond my own self. I am who I say I am. I am Amy, this transgendered person inside of my mind. I’ve been this way since I was 12. As life would have it though, I chose not to express it fully in public. In retrospect I should have, but I didn’t because I was too scared how society would treat me. I was a coward and I have a deep regret for this. I could have pulled it off and been the person I was supposed to be. I’m not a perfect woman, but if I had gone for it, I could have managed it, I think. Alas, I made a choice not to and I live with that choice. I married a woman, who doesn’t know who I am, and I do not have the liberty to be who I am and I am at peace with that. This was the one decision that I made in my life that I promised myself I would not break no matter what. So many other things in my life I have broken. I have done terrible things to people I care about. Even here, I have hurt many. It hurts me a lot to even think about it, but I have to go on despite the bad choices I’ve made. Anyways, so this promise I made to my wife I plan to keep. So, when people ask, why doesn’t Amy just do something else, this is the reason. Without this place I have no air to breath and I lose my ability to express myself. So, don’t feel bad for me or wish I’ll will upon me, just accept me for what I am and don’t take me too seriously either. I am here to have fun too even though at times it doesn’t seem that way. Be like James and try to accept me despite my faults and when I let you down, just shake your head smile anyways. Everything will be ok. ❤️

Amy just be yourself, we like you the way you are