pudley Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 I call my Mother-in-law AT&T: Always Talking & Talking. "Mixed emotions" would be watching her drive my new car off a cliff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodworker Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 What do you call a feminist with a broomstick stuck up her ass? A Tootsie Pop. (That ought to piss them off) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BJon Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 :'( with a heavy heart I have to announce my wife ran off with my best friend gee I miss him. ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARMY SNIPER Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 A state police officer was attempting to stop a guy but he wouldn't stop, he chased the guy for miles and miles, finally the guy ran out of gas,the police officer asked him why he wouldn't stop, the guy replied...Sorry for not stopping but i have a good reason, my wife ran off with a state police officer, i thought you was the one she ran off with and was bringing her back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 A gorgeous blonde woman was out riding her Motorcycle, motoring along way above the speed limit, down the centre line on the Highway. A Police Cruiser is sitting hidden on radar looking for speeders. The Police Cruiser finally catches up with the Motorcycle driver and has her pull over. The officer gets out of his vehicle and approaches the woman and asks for her licence and registration, she complies and gives it to the officer. He goes back to his cruiser and runs a check on the licence.He returns to the Blonde woman hands her back the Licence and Registration and proceeds righting her a ticket for speeding. After she received the ticket for speeding the officer asks her why she was speeding down the center of the Highway. The Blonde Woman pulls out her licence and shows the licence to the officer and said to him, It says tear along dotted line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARMY SNIPER Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 A gorgeous blonde woman was out riding her Motorcycle, motoring along way above the speed limit, down the centre line on the Highway. A Police Cruiser is sitting hidden on radar looking for speeders. The Police Cruiser finally catches up with the Motorcycle driver and has her pull over. The officer gets out of his vehicle and approaches the woman and asks for her licence and registration, she complies and gives it to the officer. He goes back to his cruiser and runs a check on the licence.He returns to the Blonde woman hands her back the Licence and Registration and proceeds righting her a ticket for speeding. After she received the ticket for speeding the officer asks her why she was speeding down the center of the Highway. The Blonde Woman pulls out her licence and shows the licence to the officer and said to him, It says tear along dotted line. Yep, she's Blonde. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milkbottles Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 A father walks out into the garden and see's his son digging a big hole. The father asks "why are you digging a hole David". He says "My goldfish has died so i'm burying him. The father asks "So why are you digging a hole so big". David replys " cos the frigging cat ate him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dukeofdata Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Confucius say… chemist who fall in acid, get absorbed in work. Confucius say… nail on stool is not good as screw on bench. Confucius say… prostitute with her hand in her panties is self employed. Confucius say… never tell one legged hitch hiker to hop in. Confucius say… roses on piano is not good as tulips on organ. Confucius say… butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in orders. Confucius say… girl who slides down banister, makes monkey shine. Confucius say… man with his hands in pockets feels foolish, but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts. Confucius say… girl who fly airplane upside down have crack up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BJon Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Confucius say… chemist who fall in acid, get absorbed in work. Confucius say… nail on stool is not good as screw on bench. Confucius say… prostitute with her hand in her panties is self employed. Confucius say… never tell one legged hitch hiker to hop in. Confucius say… roses on piano is not good as tulips on organ. Confucius say… butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in orders. Confucius say… girl who slides down banister, makes monkey shine. Confucius say… man with his hands in pockets feels foolish, but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts. Confucius say... man who stand on head have a crack up. Confucius say... man who stand on toilet is high on pot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkryan1 Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 A young guy smoking weed is crusin' along and see's a man on the side of the road tending to his car which had broke down. He also notices a few penguins standing around him. The high dude pulls over and asks the guy if he needs any help. The man says, "I sure do! Can you be a kind lad and take these penguins to the zoo? I'll give you some cash for your kindness.". The dude replies, "Hells yeah!". So he loads up the penguins and drives off. Not too long after the man, still tending to his car sees the young guy returning WITH the penguins! The man asks, "Son, I thought I told you to take them to the zoo?", The dude takes a toke of his Jay and replies, "I did. We had some money left over so we decided to hit the movies!". He drives away with a backseat of penguins crackin up laughin'! Buaaa-Haaaa!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dukeofdata Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 What are those small bumps around a women's nipples? That's Braille for "suck here". Why do women prefer elderly gynecologists? Because their fingers shake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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