albundy1089 Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foamy T. Squirrel Posted September 7, 2021 Share Posted September 7, 2021 So, one day Jesus is out at the golf course. Moses is his caddy. Jesus approaches a water trap, and lines up the shot. Moses says, "Don't do it. It's an impossible shot." "Nonsense. I've seen Arnold Palmer make this shot," Jesus says. Jesus swings his club forcefully, but the ball lands right in the middle of the water. "I told you you couldn't do it," Moses grumbles as he walks to the water trap. He parts the water, trudges through the mud, and retrieves the ball. "I've seen Arnold Palmer make this shot," Jesus repeats, and then he tries again, and again the ball goes into the water. Moses retrieves it again. "That's the last time. Look how muddy my feet are! You try this one more time, and you have to get your own ball." By now, other golfers are piling up behind Jesus and Moses, hoping to continue their own game. So Jesus takes a mighty swing, and the ball goes right into the water again. Moses just stands there and tells Jesus "You get your ball this time." So Jesus walks across the water, reaches down, and pulls the ball from the bottom of the trap. Another golfer, seeing this, shouts "Who the hell does he think he is, Jesus Christ?" Moses turns and says, "No. He thinks he's Arnold Palmer!" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted September 7, 2021 Share Posted September 7, 2021 Joke of the day 😉 Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Russ didn't show up. Fred didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Fred really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Fred didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Fred figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Fred approached the park and-- lo and behold!--there sat Russ! Fred was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?' Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.' 'Jail!' cried Fred. What in the world for?' 'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes go?' 'Yeah,' said Fred, 'I remember her. What about her? 'Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'. 'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.' 😉 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted September 8, 2021 Share Posted September 8, 2021 Joke of the day A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, Mariah.... have you ever had any contact with a male naughty organ? She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well i once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger. He says 'Okay dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gates. He ask the next girl the same question. She says 'Well i once fondled and stroked one.' He says 'Okay dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gates. ' All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One pushes her way to the front of the line When she gets there he asks, 'Tami, what seems to be the rush?' She says 'If I'm going to have to gargle that holy water I want to do it before Natalie sticks her ass in it.' 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nagachilli2 Posted September 8, 2021 Share Posted September 8, 2021 2 hours ago, Aussie_oi_oi said: Joke of the day A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, Mariah.... have you ever had any contact with a male naughty organ? She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well i once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger. He says 'Okay dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gates. He ask the next girl the same question. She says 'Well i once fondled and stroked one.' He says 'Okay dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gates. ' All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One pushes her way to the front of the line When she gets there he asks, 'Tami, what seems to be the rush?' She says 'If I'm going to have to gargle that holy water I want to do it before Natalie sticks her ass in it.' You're a bottomless pit of good jokes. Cheers mate 👍 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albundy1089 Posted September 8, 2021 Share Posted September 8, 2021 Paddy is talking to two of his friends at work. His first friend confides to the other two, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” The second friend then also confides, “Wow, me too! I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.” Paddy thinks for a minute and then says, “You know – I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends look at him in complete disbelief. Paddy sees them looking at him and says, “No, seriously. The other day I came home early and found a jockey under our bed.” 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albundy1089 Posted September 8, 2021 Share Posted September 8, 2021 A Freudian slip... ...is when you say one thing but mean your mother. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nagachilli2 Posted September 9, 2021 Share Posted September 9, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 9, 2021 Share Posted September 9, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 9, 2021 Share Posted September 9, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 9, 2021 Share Posted September 9, 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted September 9, 2021 Share Posted September 9, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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