letsdothis Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 I started a new workout routine this week, doing crunches twice a day... I do Cap'n in the morning and Nestle's in the afternoon. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 My teenage son asked me if I ever fell in love with a high school teacher. "In fact, I did. She was gorgeous! I couldn't take my eyes off of her... I dreamt of a life together with her day and night." "Wow! What happened with that, dad?" he excitedly asked. "Your mom moved you to another school." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letsdothis Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 I thought there was something wrong with my pedometer app. It thought there was something wrong with me. It asked me if I had died. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albundy1089 Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 4 tips for guys for successful relationships: 1. It’s really important to find a woman that you love and who loves you the same. 2. It’s really important to find a woman that sexually excites you and that she feels the same about you. 3. It’s really important to find a woman who will care for you and that you will care for her, in sickness and in health. 4. It’s absolutely fucking vital that these three women do not know each other... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robwin Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 1 hour ago, albundy1089 said: 4 tips for guys for successful relationships: 1. It’s really important to find a woman that you love and who loves you the same. 2. It’s really important to find a woman that sexually excites you and that she feels the same about you. 3. It’s really important to find a woman who will care for you and that you will care for her, in sickness and in health. 4. It’s absolutely fucking vital that these three women do not know each other... I like that, hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 Joke of the day An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.' The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.' The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.' The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!' The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.' Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.' 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albundy1089 Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!" "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albundy1089 Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 If I had a dollar for every time I didn't know what was going on I would be like: "why is everyone giving me all this money?" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 Joke of the day 😉 THE ITALIAN MAN OF THE HOUSE Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, You Can Be The Man of Your House. He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?' His Sicilian wife Gina replied, 'The friken' funeral director would be my first guess.’ 😉 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBG 150 Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 That was priceless! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted August 26, 2021 Share Posted August 26, 2021 Joke of the day little back to school Humor A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card . The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie_oi_oi Posted August 27, 2021 Share Posted August 27, 2021 Joke of the day A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up". Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex. Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged ---- my wife won twice last week." 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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